Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML
Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
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Top comments
sansteth94 0
tell him to PISS off...your leg lol
mfmylifesrsly 30
What the world doesn't need is your lack of spelling and grammar.
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Comments (203)
sumbody14 0
WTF...
flighted 1
right.... none of this FML makes sense.
abbi96x 0
Nice. You should've just left them to fight each other! Then filmed it & put it on YouTube. LOL.
eyez_lay_low1921 0
two drunks one nurse?
PissingPeopleOff 0
This is where our healthcare money goes to.
ashleykay94 7
ew that's gross, can't u get diseases from that???!
MizzErikaHart 8
it's gross but I don't think u would get a disease
ashleykay94 7
well isn't piss poison?
urdirtyolduncle 15
People, people, PEOPLE! Let's not get overly confused here. According to my hypothesis, OP is probably working in those government or private, non profit organizations built to take care of animals. So, he/she got really pissed when drawing blood from a duck.
blackblood94 7
who said this was a nurse? might be a vampire...
ashleykay94 7
isn't that why we get it OUT of our bodies?
epicenur 2
then tell your mom and dad that your tired of their crap and u r running away.
esu 5
drawing blood from a drunk, op what's wrong with you.
urdirtyolduncle 15
This reminds of angry birds
octinate 17
nurses can't run away when drawing blood
staceysgenesis16 0
haha wow wtf ?? this confuses me
octinate 17
#52, if ur an ER nurse and a drunk comes in who has suffered an injury, u still have to take their blood for blood tests
0opsie 6
I thought the OP was probably a paramedic drawing blood for DUI evidence. Maybe there was an accident.
Ihatethesenames 0
I agree with 13
MizzErikaHart 8
pee is not poison. believe it or not, while inside your body, urine is sterile until it comes out and hits air.
ZingDooper 0
ownnneddd piss on him next time
ovechkinisbeast 9
swordfight!
Tuesdays76 0
That would make anyone Pissy.
adhdkid411 0
that might "piss" him off !!! hahaha ;)
persianjr1 7
^ I award you both with the " best pun ever" award. congratulations!!!!
Andychilada 0
where the hell do you work???
farhil 14
You have the needle... Give the ****** HIV
i0like0fudge 0
sad
abbi96x 0
Its not sad - it's disgusting! You should've just let the 2 drunks fight it out whilst you filmed it and put it on YouTube!:D
COLOMBIANxDEVIL 2
lol nothing better than watching two drunk bastards fight. except watching two homeless bastards fight over day old pizza.
MissKelly8D 0
wait, why exactly were you drawing blood?
zimandme123 0
maybe she was a doctor... or maybe she wanted to like, save his DNA or sumthing, in case the FBI wanted to find him cuz he threatened to kill
Soloman212 28
The FBI HAS been keeping a watchful eye over drunks who threaten people....
SCrazy_fml 0
But if they are a doctor then would the blood you draw not be intoxicated, therfore not being reliable...?
loveofyourlife11 0
maybe they are a paramedic and they are getting blood for the blood alcohol levels. sorry to hear op. that really sucks. hope you enjoy your job though.
bengermin 5
No, don't you see? It's all a cover-up. OP got scared by the threat and wet himSELF.
deathtrap 0
because the op is obviously a nurse or phlebotomist. obviously. ugh
fatgirllovesfml 0
drunk people piss on me all the time...you'll get used to it
barbarianDonkey 0
maybe she's just an artist at a doctors office
CryMoreFMLs 15
140 - I screamed like a little girl at your picture. Then i began to talk in russian... Хэуфыу Рзв жщээ юу азк Щ офиу цщнбуыыув оуээ щныуэа. sorry if thats gibberish....
fatgirllovesfml 0
awwhhh #145! this is the first time someone finds me attractive that leads him to scream ;) Now go get me a sandwich nomnomnomnon
stoopkid911 0
y was the op even drawing blood from a drunk in the first place??
sansteth94 0
tell him to PISS off...your leg lol
angelicdevil 16
LOL that's funny
ILoveCTP 3
Sadly, getting pissed off is better than getting pissed on.
ImaWiseGuy 5
sounds like R. Kelly is on the scene.....
indiana585_fml 0
LOL
screamingyournam_fml 0
dont underestimate duh power of alchol
destermin5 5
you my good mate seem to be trying to estimate it's power by the spelling you use in your sentences.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Hehehe i would agree with your assessment!
leknuok 0
dude you're like 10
Chanistheman19 5
why were you drawing blood from a drunk is a true question?
myownenemy 0
I know, right? I am so confused.
101autie 0
Duuuh its obviouse... Theyyy got brain washed by vampires!
briidontgive_ 0
me three
mfmylifesrsly 30
what boners said
Chanistheman19 5
you can get alcohol in your blood though...
ahem_speak_up 0
I kno right. I think maybe OP works as a nurse/bartender??
Chanistheman19 5
that leads to alcohol poisoning, which is bad, I rather not get blood from a drunk
Chanistheman19 5
I'm just pointing out the flaws in this. chill man
Chanistheman19 5
drawing blood from a drunk. in a usual facility they wouldn't draw blood from a drunk man. especially when another one is standing right behind. that's begging for trouble if you ask me.
MaeCon 0
agreed. who would leave someone to take blood from an already drunk person first of all. and then why would there be another drunkard wasted enough to piss on them? doesn't add up
Chanistheman19 5
exactly^
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
well said lol
101autie 0
Dude wtf !!!! damn them drunks always pissen on somebodys leeggg!!!! If it aint puke they b pissen and if that aint it they crappin on somebodys foot... I love them tho the world needs em!
mfmylifesrsly 30
What the world doesn't need is your lack of spelling and grammar.
101autie 0
Ur right... I just don't really care bout grammar
101autie 0
Ur right... Although the real problem is I don't care!
MizzErikaHart 8
u guys already kno half the people on this site can't or don't spell correctly. why does someone always gotta say something about it? the person is just gonna say they don't care. and then everyone jumps in saying how it is or is not important. it's just a really old topic in my opinion.
101autie 0
Prophecy!
Takador 3
Hooray for Spelling and Grammar! :D
ryrywakaka 0
seriously it's the Internet lol who the Fuxk cares about spelling and grammar I mean FML isn't even a word lol
Death_From_Above 0
87 raises an excellent point. who cares about it, if you got a problem with it then go isolate yourself in a dark room and never leave. never get on a laptop or smartphone again
COLOMBIANxDEVIL 2
she doesn't have a point FML is an abbreviation of words, and grammar and spelling turns random shit into something that you can actually understand.
daywalker26 0
well this world is full of "special" people! good luck being the odd one out!
jburd45 1
92,what makes you think that you HAVE to read peoples comments. if you don't understand it, move on.
CryMoreFMLs 15
It helps when the comment doesn't scream out ' Im a ******* illiterate moron ' and says something productive to the OP's FML.
rocketeer_97 1
obviously 87, that some people DO care.
11jackson11 0
Dude! it's the internet. Show some RESPECT!
insanesna1l 0
Don't make me write angry things!!! Because you know I am a master of 30 diiferent martial arts, 20 of which I invented. I am also a Jedi Master and i carry a big stick. And its pointy!!
NineFishMffns_fml 0
The comment section is for replying to FMLs on how you agree or disagree or relate. If you want to go correcting peoples grammar go tutor or become a teacher. It's only funny when the persons misspelling was ironic or something.
mutinykitty 18
whaaaaaat? D8
Wheredidgrungego 12
Today just wasn't your day, was it? Maybe it's time to find a less nauseating career.
gardenho 0
YDI for letting a drunk draw another drunk's blood. Just kidding, YDI for using a misplaced modifier.