Today, I found myself cussing out the next dipshit fucked in the head enough to open its bitch mouth and mumble to itself about how I was the newest main stressor of it’s bitch-fit of a day. Taking into account the pathetic aspect of “rubbing it in” I then proceeded to cuss out the next person who got in my way. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled, "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML
Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML
Today, I was a little grumpy. I tried my best to not take it out on other people, but then I encountered that ONE person who doesn't realize that sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and they proceed to give you a hard time over nothing. That person was my mom. And then later my dad. Now I'm grounded. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML
Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML
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Top comments
TwoBytesCarley 27
Do people really speak like this? This has got to be someone’s idea of a joke..
Anderling 33
Have you considered anger management? Sounds like it might really help you.
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
You sound fun! How's about a date? ;) We can talk about dipshits over dinner! Let's hope our server isn't a dipshit or we'll have to cuss them out. We can then drive out to the dump and shoot rats.
Anderling 33
Have you considered anger management? Sounds like it might really help you.
RichardPencil 32
I guess we found our next candidate for "next dipshit ****** in the head enough to open their bitch mouth." Ding, ding, ding! Enjoy your cuss-out.
TwoBytesCarley 27
Do people really speak like this? This has got to be someone’s idea of a joke..
poopface82 25
Recreational weed is legal in New Mexico. I suggest giving it a try.
IHaveThePower 18
Weed can only do so much. For this, I might recommend talking to your doctor about Xanax.
Hangryko 32
Get therapy.
toxicfox33 11
Hey friend, I think you should probably step into some therapy. It would really help you.