Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...
jideare 3
Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?
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Comments (104)
rocketiquette 20
That must've been an awkward story to tell the police if that's where you went...
booyouwhorexo 3
That's...really creepy.
1030295 6
"As a joke"? Okay...that's just a tad bit awkward
timboslicer 4
Wait, you said that you had to take YOUR daughter to get handcuffs removed, that were put on by her FATHER. Wouldn't that mean you put them on her?
sulitak 27
no. OP is a woman. Moron
Hazamachi 12
Unless somehow, the OP is a woman, which would make her the mother! As it says at the bottom of the FML
deransc 19
1. Creepy + Awkward. 2.How did that dumbass not know they were real? 3. Why didn't he get them taken off?
Seduced83 9
Well have a seat over there, well book her in a minute. In the meantime grab a coffee while I advise my superiors of the situation. Oh wait he put it on her as a joke, what the hell are you people into some freaky deaky stuff. Well on the bright side could always learn to break out of cuffs like the movie passenger 57 or saw it in two with a hacksaw or shoot ot off like most convicts do or take it to a locksmith if you to embarrassed to take her to the big house!
poundsign 5
All you needed was a Damn bobby pin