Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...
jideare 3
Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?
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Comments (104)
zman28 0
Umm not weird at all o wait thats ******* stupid and totally inappropriate
coried91 28
My friends dad did the same thing. He had a key though. My friend had really screwed up so he was showing her what it would be like if she ever got arrested, trying to scare her. Maybe that's what OP's husband was doing.
melij99 5
I wonder where he got them from and why he couldn't tell they were real.
Bazinga2010 5
Show and tell at a police station? And he is a simpleton!
zolziski 11
I think the question should be: "Why do you have real handcuffs without your husband knowing they're real?"
coolstorybro6969 6
This is just like the time he, "forgot", the gun was real
dethbunny 0
"rest in peace jimmy..."
ceddyz17 10
That doesn't sound too enjoyable
KriiFahMoro 9
Holy shit bro, seriously? I thought it sounded enjoyable, but I guess it wasn't.
BethBuggy 0
Depends on the situation. I mean, It could be enjoyable.
texasicequeen 5
I would have made him take her to get the handcuffs off.
angelinaanimerg 7
Id investigate this...
AugustBurnsToast 14
^We may have ourselves a detective.
SnowFlakeInAK 7
No. What we have here is a duck. QUACK BOOM
stevenmx86 8
Why did you have a pair of handcuffs without a key? Also, it's fairly simple to pick them..
Ugi 27
Hang on. You had your teenage nightmare under lock and key _and you took them off_?? What were you thinking?* * Clarification for the hard of thinking - no I am not serious about this.
KriiFahMoro 9
Wait... So he finds some handcuffs laying around and thinks that "they aren't real"? Is anybody here in possession of fake metal hand cuffs? And if they weren't the shiny metal ones, then theres only one other kind....