Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML
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Top comments
Zack6849 8
How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.
Chelsea_bella 20
You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.
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Comments (120)
JustKittyKat 24
To the people that obviously don't understand, the dog probably ate the toy, and as he tried to pass the undigested hand, OP most likely noticed and stepped in to lend his best friend a hand.
joawmeens 7
The dog didn't need a hand. He already had one. Up his butt.
JustKittyKat 24
I was hoping my pun would provoke a smirk, but you sir! Your reply made me crack up. Thank you.
golferman72 16
How'd it even get there in the first place?!
SuperDanielNL 23
How do you think, dog tend to eat loads of wierd stuff.
420Zombie 17
Op's dog obviously has an anal insertion fetish
joawmeens 7
High five!!
EpicSquishii 21
The visual this FML gave me made me spit out my coffee. Thanks, OP, for potentially ruining my laptop. And for the laugh as well :)
anythingmustbe 18
First rule of FML : Do not read or drink when reading FML'S
AGB10 19
The term "Shit faced" just got a new meaning! Sorry for you though OP
Jonniii 10
I've had to do this to my dog. The only difference being it was in public.
graceinsheepwear 34
I bet the dog was mortified.
nursejohio 8
OP - at least they didn't have to do surgery for a toy induced bowel obstruction? My doberboy has *very* eccentric tastes in chew toys as well :-/
monnanon 14
doberboy? is that some weird crossbreed or the puppy version of a doberman.
johnkocache 2
high five!
BrutalPoodle 5
Tell him pay back is a bitch.
Wakachulak 22
Yeah, your dog... We get it OP ;-)