Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
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Top comments
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
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Comments (234)
AylaEvans 1
And I thought bleaching assholes was bas -.-
sarbear293 4
Omgomgomg I can't imagine how bad that would burn.
AylaEvans 1
Bad* ^
BIGASSTITS 12
I seriously think you should have been a better parent. If you are making the doctors appointment. She is obviously to young to have sex or even understand it. You should get a social worker to come and talk to both of you and maybe but your daughter in some counselling. This sickens me.
mnmolino 14
My parents educated me on sex and I was fingered at 13 (with consent) and we are well off. Just because someone efs up and gets a std then acts silly doesn't require social services. You sicken me.
GoW_Chick 15
TMI, TMI!
RyanMacVey 17
#40 - All I read there was brag, brag braggafjfgklwklewwekrt.
ProhibitionRose 14
Children tend to rebel in one way or another. OP can't be with her daughter 24/7, holding her hand. What sickens me is your ignorant "blame the parents!" attitude. The daughter tried to hide her STD because she knew her mom would be less than pleased. The kid is responsible for her own bad decisions.
mnmolino 14
#47 I was just using real life experience to prove my point. I'm not conceited, so I'm sorry if I sounded that way.
RyanMacVey 17
Ha, ok. But in my mind your comment read kinda like this... "My parents educated me on sex ..... I was fingered at 13 .... we are well off.....You sicken me." So you can see what I'm getting at here?
mnmolino 14
I completely understand your point, I just hope that you understand mine :)
UsernameHere234 13
The parent perhaps could've done a better job with their daughter in the fact of promoting a relationship that allows talking openly about certain things. that being said, I didn't when I started to have sex and neither did my partner and you can only do so much because in the end the majority of the decision is on the "kid" (note the use of kid in this context does not mean she is young or too young to have sex) in the fact that she decides to have sex with who she wants and when and by the age of 12 (the legal age where I live) kids already know about it and besides that you probably wouldn't run into sti's till 15 and by then they definitely know about safe sex.
taetae169 0
That's cute
constipatedlady 0
Less than pleased? The poor girl was so afraid of asking for help that she bleached her genitals. Definitely some bad parenting there!
bitchy_bitch 0
Alright, when you have a daughter & she has sex with the wrong person & she gets an std, we will see which parent sickens me... Your daughter will probably make the mistake over & over again & just straight up have to bathe in Clorox
puffleprincess 7
Someone with the screen name "BIGASSTITS" is concerned that OP's daughter is too immature to be having sex? ...*smh*
LaUruguaya 11
What the Hell kind of 13 year old thinks she's old enough to get fingered?? When I was that age I still played with my barbies and boys had cooties!! It's disgusting you ate proud of being a **** at 13.
bubbywaldo 0
I don't think she's proud, I think she's just saying early sexual activity can happen even in families with good intentions.
AshCrash_xo 0
I see you like to wright a lot...
GoW_Chick 15
Sounds like a new ad campaign for clorox wipes, "if you caught an STD, and don't want to tell your parents, just grab a clorox tough scrub wipe, it's not just for cleaning your counters anymore." ( disclaimer: clorox wipes do not cure an STD, a doctor is your best bet to clear that up, dumbass.)
a_lenzmeier 11
I laughed so hard at this comment. You Ma'am, are funny.
isis_morrigan 18
lol love it, I can even see the commercial with horribly bad acting too!
D_Nice908 5
Lol!!! Your funny
RyanMacVey 17
Aw come on guys, I'm sure scrubbing her ****** with disinfecting wipes must have seemed like a good idea at the time, right? Ha, it really does take someone special to reach such levels of stupidity.
neonberries 15
Most parents hate the thought of their child having unprotected sex especially if it's their daughter. She must've been terrified of how you'd react if she couldn't tell you!
EvilBetcha 5
Omfg. Your daughter is a moron.
mr_bad_ass_ 0
Holy fudging shiznit
DocBastard 40
Doctor: So what can I do for you? Mom: My daughter wiped her ******...with bleach... Doctor: BAHAHAHAHA! Good one. But seriously, what can I do for you? Mom: Seriously. She tried to wipe away an STD. Doctor: Really? Mom: ... Doctor: My diagnosis is that she's an idiot. I'm afraid there's no cure.
mintstashinurtea 5
your name just makes this comment better
CaptainPickles72 18
#38- actually there is a cure for stupid... it's actually the same cure that can cure just about anything; a bullet to the head! Got AIDS? *bang* Got stupid? *bang* Got a stubbed toe? *bang* I promise it will help anybody with any medical condition or minor inconvenience!
imepelepticsir 5
109, no just no.
nickkingcool 0
hes a doctor check out his blog
isis_morrigan 18
lol, I think I love u! this has been my answer for a long time! I recommended it for a patient once and the dr said we couldn't get it approved through insurance, I said it's ok, bullets are cheap, I'll give one of mine!
isis_morrigan 18
my above comment was aimed at captpickles.