Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML
Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML
Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As the dentist was working on my teeth, he accidentally sprayed water all over my face. I couldn't stop laughing nervously, which made the dentist think I was choking. He ended up calling for backup and I had to explain that I was just laughing. FML
Today, I had to give presentation at work, for which I'd extensively prepared. However, as soon as I started speaking, I had a sudden panic attack and forgot everything I'd rehearsed. I stumbled through the presentation, feeling the embarrassment steadily grow in front of my colleagues. I almost passed out. FML
Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for three hours. FML
Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years-old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimidated by a group of 4 year-olds. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my best friend’s wedding. I wanted to say, “You both look beautiful together.” Instead, nerves took over, and I blurted out, “You both look beautiful naked.” In front of 100 people. And a priest. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
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Top comments
warmfuzzy 0
is being a "hot blonde" all it takes for guys to get hard? really???
Bathory_fml 0
Because movies totally give the best advice. YDI.
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Comments (122)
warmfuzzy 0
is being a "hot blonde" all it takes for guys to get hard? really???
djb23 0
yes. yes it is. why, are you thinking of becoming one?
AlexZB 0
im pretty sure youre supposed to picture them "in their underwear"
x0aka0x 0
problem still persist just kidding
plexico 4
Actually, it's even less than that. It's the "hot" part that makes a guy hard. She could be blonde, brunette or redhead, hell, there can even be a "hot" bald chick! If that is really a picture of you, then you would count as a "hot blonde." I do not wish to comment on the turgidity of my junk at this moment.
The_Snowy 0
Name or link to one hot bald chick ever
Jazzywrites007 2
http://www.colenmd.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/baldwoman7.jpg
drano 0
Bald women don't do it for me, but those women that you linked pics of would probably look good with hair...
plexico 4
Good catch, the oldGP, You reminded me why the last few episodes of Lizzie McGuire made me feel so dirty.
aurevior1 0
when you picture them naked, yes.
khanrava 0
a naked one...
twitchy315 0
i agree with #1... is it?
Jesssa 0
Her picture is of Hilary Duff. Idiot.
jorge_69ca 0
dont argue honey i really think i rather have a guy have it hard as soon as u want it insted of one who cant get it up
bflakes 1
yes and especially if ur being pictured naked
djspazy 0
no podium? = everyone saw your boner? YDI that's a useless technique
VolleyballSMASH 1
I agree, instead focus on the fact that you won't ever see them again, and that you know you can do it. Also, focusing on the backwall, just above there heads makes it look like you are watching them, and talking to them, but allows you to not see them.
Chaosaiyan 6
Yes, tell him after the fact, because that helps the situation so much.
shabadabba 14
@125 for future situations it will help
pathetictwin 0
3rd!
meouch 6
Congratulations
Bathory_fml 0
Because movies totally give the best advice. YDI.
redbluegreen 41
So you orally gave it to a hot blonde? At least you were dedicated.
AnaMaree 0
lulz
summer99 0
haha that was witty.
BlackWolfVII 0
Best line ever.
JustStayHome 0
#5: Lol, clever. XD
CookyMonsta 0
pun.
brenkite 5
and sperms good for teeth
Dskiz 0
next time just try to picture them in their underwear. lol
Sun_Kissed18 25
probably wouldnt help much. Hot blonde naked > Hot blonde in underwear > Hot blonde with clothes. He still would have the same problem though. He should have just looked away and focused on some random ugly person.
ianzorzes 0
dont wear gym shorts skippy (:
letitbe56 0
Does anyone else watch Coupling? The episode where they all go to Jane's aunt's funeral and Jeff has an interview?
gummibehrs 4
I agree that it's a useless technique. YDI
screwtaylor 0
I bet it was Chris Crocker.
Anonanimal 0
chris crocker is the ugliest, most annoying thing to ever have come out of a womans ******.
plexico 4
And he is one that is not even trying to get back into one! ;)
Bloodknight 22
Wow, that's all it takes to get you hard? What a loser!
caramelize 0
Boners cannot be controlled.
TheLoneWolf87 4
Im sorry Bloodknight, but i think most of the males here on FML dont have ED like yourself.
fluffypoo09 0
That was amazing, LoneWolf!
GrapefruitZoe 0
Was not. He used "yourself" when "you" was the only correct pronoun. "Yourself" is reflexive or an intensifier, but after a preposition (i.e., like), objective case is necessary. Therefore "you" is correct.
XsianinvasionX 0
^ troll
samilyjo101908 0
aww, you're comment gave my middle finger a boner! asshole.