momlife
Ajax, Canada
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
birdisnottheword
Edmonton, Canada
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Mandi
DELETE! DELETE!
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
her mom raised her
Mexico
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Anonymous
Fort Lauderdale, United States
Thanks dad…
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
June
Canada
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
sleepy
United States
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
lyle
Oh, hai Mark!
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Lauren Davies
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Paper-thin walls
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
shootme
Canada
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.
aimbug 42
Aren't kids fun?
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Comments (44)
mm12344 8
Gotta get that fiber!
CyndiHouse3 5
My daughter has a thing for crayons, tiny rocks and leaves. Oh, and sand. She's almost 2, so I totally understand your frustration, OP. I've heard it gets better. I'm hoping they're right.
Moerighan 23
Look on the bright side, it could have been a myriad of disgusting things, at least it wasn't.
Taolan 23
I do hope the person you were conversing with is someone you know fairly personally. There's no need to give out such specific information. You could leave it at "I gotta go" or say that your kid got into something. Not everyone needs to know the peculiarities of what weird thing your child is eating. It's less to do with grossness (This is fairly tame, honestly. I've dealt with kids eating worse), more to do with oversharing. Good habits start early.
mokonamadoki1 6
sounds nutritious!(^ワ^＝)