Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. with an extremely satisfying fart. It felt great and I probably would have fallen right back to sleep, except that my ass was 8 inches from the air intake of my CPAP machine that I use, due to smoke inhalation damage from being a firefighter. It was so gross that I threw up in the CPAP mask. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, my office building had a surprise fire drill. As I rushed to exit, I realized that I’d put on a shirt that was way too tight. It felt like it was practically cutting off my circulation, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I tried to suck in my stomach but almost passed out in the process. I spent the rest of the drill struggling with my shirt while people gave me weird looks. FML
Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FruityLoooons 8
Why would you even...?
Sephiroth7 0
That blows..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
FruityLoooons 8
Why would you even...?
itsmeppl 0
sorry but that's really funny
pertained 12
that's what you get for being a cheapskate and not buying a pump.
ravensunnyd 0
I've done that before it's not that hard it took like thirty minuets but still it not that hard to blow up an air mattress with only your lungs
biggary19 3
sounds like u have some blowing experience!!
lalalaughter 0
patch it up..?? 38- "oh, i have a blow up mattress, but im just gonna sleep on a blanket and pillow. yeah, sounds comfy."
carlosestrada1 4
39, try doing it with a hole in it...
courtneyward 1
You must be really good at blowing...
jefferyshales 0
moron
MaskingTape 2
Sounds like my kind of moron though. I could use their services. I have a...mattress they can inflate.
YouDaIdiot 4
it's not that difficult
lmfao_shame 9
I agree. What a ******* idiot.
guitarbeast 22
that's why you get a bicycle pump, dumbass
noah1213 0
not everybody has a pump. ._.
saphiresong 0
32, how much does it cost you to go to walmart or party city and buy a freaking pump?
shakethat 10
seriously. the cheap ones are less than 5 bucks. $10 gets you an automatic one.
codyFML 0
that's y u check b4 u start to blow?
shortie916 0
Karma???
Yousuck24 21
How the **** is this Karma?
Kawboy 1
That's what I wana know?!
sheethapins 13
Dictionary?
geeksaresexy 18
I sort of hope it was a joke about how every FML on this site seems to have someone misusing the word Karma. Probably not though :/
OrgasmicBunnies 9
A hole, or a vortex to another dimension?
marinus_fml 20
My bet is it's just a hole in the mattress.
Kawboy 1
I'm with with guy^^ my guess would be just a hole in the mattress
Sephiroth7 0
That blows..
Loaffer 2
I see what you did there :7
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
oh you mean like a *******? haha I geddit!
RainbowHeadache 2
This is how we do it in Oklahoma.
sxe_beast 11
Well then I'm glad I'm not from Oklahoma.
RainbowHeadache 2
Wish I could say the same.
GreenMaze 0
So you blow and blow but you didn't know that your blowing a think that doesn't blows. why would you even blow that thing you need to blow if you can't blow it. Man you got blows.
Carpy 8
retard
GreenMaze 0
drater
Jayeex 0
you're retarded
borkchop1992 15
i think your boyfriend did that so that you can get some practice in ;)
OAAS 0
That's not how a ******* works. Also, I really hope he only has one hole.
WillDaBeast83 0
you would know how a ******** works.
Keyman1212 14
Sounds like your blowing skills are lacking...