Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
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Top comments
toowie_fml 20
Bitches be crazy..
kidepicfest 0
Well since you've already been beat up, might as well find the husband and sleep with him.
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Comments (106)
Altie 13
I like the fact that OP is honest about being a virgin
gaganinia 14
how do you know? :o
gman90210 18
She said so. So why not believe her? No proof she isn't.
jayfreeman80 0
You should have beat the shit outta her then gone and let her husband pop your cherry!!!!
yabbadabbadooyah 12
Somehow, I don't see this being a good idea..
Fuzzidio 2
Another assault charge on today's society
False_Stupidity 42
That's serious go to the police. When I was in primary school a older boy beat me up cause he thought I was bullying his sister. I never saw her before.
day624 14
Hide yo kids hide yo wife there's a crazy bi^tch on the loose
iHeartRKO 5
Hide yo husband too cuz they beating up people out here
the_true_batman 10
I hope you track down her husband and have the night of your life ;)
gman90210 18
Or you could track down me and have the night of your life.
Ffuuu 10
Seriously if she attacked you for nothing you can call the police.
5everalone 3
Report her for physical assault.
xxxSANAxxx 0
Shouldve slapped that hoe.
ya_momma 4
You should have fought back!