Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I farted A LOT during an exam, all silent, so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I'm now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML
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Top comments
Fritterzz 13
Better fart then hold it in and get the worst stomach ache of your life. You all know what I mean.
KristaAaronn 25
Better to just let it out. We all know that when you hold a fart in it travels up to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from
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Comments (88)
cjwayy 22
Shit happens
Witchylady 18
You should have gone outside or to the bathroom and then let it rip. YDI
worldclassrager 41
Take beano before and there will be no gas...watch your vegetables those can give those kind of gas
bobslawnservice 16
We all have to fart but most of us choose not to inflict it on a captive, trapped audience outside the context of a Dutch Oven. Seriously. Have some consideration and step outside.
someguyhere 12
You could of gone to the restroom and let it out and no one would think twice about something deadly in there.
rabidgerbil 6
Never Trust A Fart.
drowningfishy 7
You deserved it. Next time do it loud and do it proud. Just you know, make sure you don't fill your undies.
rinzlerkitty94 31
Congratulations, sir, you have now been immortalized by your fart! Your co-workers are never going to let you forget that moment.
sartrow 8
why didn't you just go to the bathroom and let er rip, I'm so self conscious that I will wake up at 3am and go to the shitter instead of farting while I'm in bed with my wife, it is a matter of simple politeness and avoiding grossness!
skittyskatbrat 19
Sneak out to the bathroom or at least the hallway next time :(