Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I farted A LOT during an exam, all silent, so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I'm now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML
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Top comments
Fritterzz 13
Better fart then hold it in and get the worst stomach ache of your life. You all know what I mean.
KristaAaronn 25
Better to just let it out. We all know that when you hold a fart in it travels up to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from
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Comments (88)
christian1509 21
Tell them to screw off because it's a natural bodily function, and it's way better than having to deal with those horrible stomach aches that come if you hold it in too long
Bluekaren16 19
Yes it is. They usually feel like atomic bombs dropping in my tummy.
girI 20
Sure, it's a natural body function, but I think the problem wasn't that he farted, but rather that he did it in the middle of the office. It's common courtesy to step out when you have to do it :-)
808andheartbreak 16
Were there no restrooms nearby?
ImTheAlpha 30
Some farts are funny. Some are gross. And some are just pure, undiluted poofs of Satan's ass gas. You seem to have the last.
cryssycakesx3 23
just like people!
RedPillSucks 33
why couldn't you excuse yourself and go to the bathroom?
amisenho 11
I've heard of some offices where the employees are lucky to even get a bathroom break without their bosses hunting them down and ripping them off the toilet seat. I remember reading one FML where someone was fired for taking a 10-minute poo. There are even pressure-sensitive toilets that are designed to make an alarm go off when someone sits on a toilet for an extended period of time. Some employers just don't understand.
joarasmi 24
BAHAHAHHAHA X,D WHO EVER SMELT IT DELT IT!
slyde32 12
stop yelling
jmagd781 16
You should have walked to the bathroom. that's what they are for.
alyoopz 10
Nothing worse than coming out of the bathroom knowing you did that horrible thing that everyone else will have to deal with lol
Eltobak 13
Why not just go to the bathroom and rip it instead?
False_Stupidity 42
Hehe, i've done that.. had to let a truly vile one rip in the bathroom and minutes after returning to my desk "holy ****!" could be heard coming from there.
soulreaper12296 28
Then you can call your co-workers pigs. Cause that means they kept smelling the air all the way to you.
cjwayy 22
The fact that you released a fart so deadly that someone actually yelled "what the ****" is extremely impressive