Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
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Top comments
dandymidori 0
OUCH D: I hope your spermcount is still okay!
GreenDaysGeekGrl 0
Wow. Haha.
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Comments (123)
Rydizzle 0
hahahahahaha. **** that.
hawkloverr 0
hahaha thats so funny but seriously tell her because if you're her first boyfriend or whatever she probably doesnt know..i remember when i was a lil teeny bopper i gave my bf hand jobs that apparently didnt feel that good cuz i didnt know what i was doing and he didn't tell me for like a year, and now i'm still traumatized against giving hand jobs, which kind of sucks. so tell her now so she can correct her technique and be better off! making a mistake once is kind of embarrassing but okay..making the mistake over and over because nobody tells you really really sucks!
annalou_fml 0
dumb bitch. you ******* NEVER do that to balls. damn it, all those stupid little girls...
pissadoodle 0
174 is a virgin and in high school ha
GrapefruitZoe 0
If you haven't got the balls to say "OW!" during sex, maybe someone should slap whatever you do have around a bit.
blondeatheartoh9 0
LOLLLL this was too funny
lovesanaix413 0
#138; LMAO
girlwhoactshigh 0
wow that must of hurt DX but its funny to imagine XP
HybriDpjt 3
:'( id have slapped her back!!! funny but wrong!
RENTfreak5256 0
What the **** is wrong with your girlfriend? 0.o