Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I set up a nice picnic style dinner in our living room for my wife. No special occasion, just because, but when she got home and saw it, all I got was a “great, and I suppose you’ll want sex for this?” then she made herself a sandwich and went to bed, no explanation. Why do I bother? FML
Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML
Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML
Today, I got home and went to hug and kiss my wife. She actively dodged me and gave me a list of nine things she wanted fixed around the house while she was out with her sister. I’m writing this from a pub garden, surrounded by people who actually enjoy my company. Fuck her list. FML
Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML
Today, at my girlfriend's place, I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air, and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was, "Uhhhhgg, I'll have to clean all this up." FML
Today, I made breakfast for the family. Perfect. Did all the Laundry. Great. Drove the one and a half hour round trip to take my stepdaughter to work. Blah. Finished off by doing some housework and cooking dinner. The dinner wasn't perfect, and my wife told me that for all the good I do, I ruin everything. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
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Top comments
EmmaMK 35
Well done for trying.
Anderling 33
You deserve better than this. If the love is gone, leave and find it elsewhere.
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Comments (10)
galactic1 4
HAve you considered asking your wife what she wants and then doing that? Instead of making a bunch of assumptions? Hmm? Maybe talk, with words, to your wife?
chickenbaconranch 1
She don’t deserve you king
chickenbaconranch 1
you’ll find one that deserves that treatment
EmmaMK 35
Well done for trying.
Hangryko 32
JFC, *talk* with your wife. Find out what she actually wants. I hope you don't expect her to clean after every attempted special occasion.
Anderling 33
You deserve better than this. If the love is gone, leave and find it elsewhere.
spinningrecords 14
When it gets that bad it’s not worth the effort.
RawrXD 4
Have you heard of a little thing called *Communication*? There's no way you wouldn't have known all that if you hadn't just talked to your wife
Grincha 14
divorce 😑