Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML
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Top comments
gianthelper 1
Women-1 Sexist men-0
Rangant 7
I'm pretty sure almost everyone here is going to cheer her on aswell. Way to be a dick.
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Comments (259)
gigi03 5
Your a douche me myself wouldn't do such a thing.
kschlicke 11
I can't really say that YDI; You do deserve your gf being pissed at you, or humiliating YOU in some way because of the way you talked to her. That is NEVER ok to be so disrespectful to someone you supposedly care about. Especially just to look cool and humiliate HER in front of all your friends. But at the same time your gf had NO right to throw objects at you, especially beer BOTTLES. You could of been seriously injured, that is domestic abuse no matter how you look at it.
SkateboardGirl88 11
**** you man YDI.
longtimesunshine 4
if he had let out "trying to seem cool" i'm sure no one would have thought he deserved it... really he just ask her to grab him a beer.
longtimesunshine 4
*left out
birdcagereligion 10
There is no way that you didn't deserve that. Just be glad you got your beer.
tehdarkness 21
The best FML's always contain" trying to look cool"
ideasrule 13
Everybody who voted YDI should be ashamed of themselves. There is NO excuse for throwing glass bottles at anyone's head, as it has a high chance of seriously injuring or blinding the victim. This type of violence is a crime no matter how you look at it, and if the OP has any self-respect, he should not tolerate it.
beatlegirl27 20
I'm surprised she didn't break up with u
dylanmurre 4
It's funny how when a guy tells a girl what to do its sexist and the guy is called an asshole and a dick, but it's fine for a girls to tell a guy what to do??? I wouldn't put up with that.
OGReaper 2
so nobody here has ever asked anyone to get them something from the kitchen. and i love all the guys on the girls side. none of these girls are gonna bang you just stop.