Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
Nofuckyourlife 1
It's a FML because she reads cosmo. I'd be filled with self loathing if I so much as used that trash to wipe my ass after taking a dump, let alone actually reading it.
illeyad 0
ll i dont care if this was possible made up, that is hilariou~ great fml post :D
dreamsmean 3
# 13 and # 53 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA amazing. and this isnt an fml its just hilarious
loltreated 0
To be quite honest, I'd have laughed if someone said that to me, even though I am a Christian. However, it would be great if those who don't believe in God would keep their extreme comments to themselves. It's obviously not my belief that God doesn't exist, it's theirs, and that's their right, but it's incredibly annoying and rude for people like #24 to say those things without regard for how others feel. I'm not an if-you-cuss-and-read-Harry-Potter-then-you're-going-to-hell Christian, but I do believe in God and I don't like watching people blaspheme Him that way.
peanut_gallery 2
I'm torn between YDI because you read Cosmo and therefore, surely, an idiot, but I will go a bit more toward the FYL side because I Hate religious retards more than airheads. So a grudging, FYL.
Lagunaguitar 0
#19, I love you!!! I am an atheist and people have given me crap all my life. Wars are started because of religion. If everyone could get along, the world would be so much better. ALL CHRISTIANS, CATHOLICS, BUDDHISTS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HINDUS, AND ATHEISTS SHOULD UNITE AND COEXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feeish 0
So what you met one crazy lady and you think it is a FML it is not but I will admit it is funny
phantomdonut 0
Oh, that is BRILLIANT! I don't think it's an FML, but it's amazing nonetheless. Thanks for sharing that story - it totally made my day!
Miss_delaney 0
#49 i totally agree with you. i'm a christian, but im so embarrassed when people make a spectacle of christianity in a negative way, like this woman obviously did. if you believe in God, you have to also believe that Satan exists, so maybe this woman's comeback might have been correct, i can't stand when people treat God's word as a way of putting others down. Thats not was it's meant for. Not only that, but it was wrong of her to judge others. if she reads the bible, she would know that God tells us to judge ourselves before judging others.
sar86 1
HA!