Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, my psycho boss snatched a file from my hand so aggressively that I got a papercut. She then scolded me for bleeding on the papers. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML
Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML
Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML
Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML
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Top comments
mt631 18
Use their shirt instead.
ArgentumAurum 24
Grab a few more while looking at him
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Comments (123)
mt631 18
Use their shirt instead.
lnheritance 19
I'm part pyro, I would've simply burned a few sheets, but that's just me.
Lil_Red777 21
How is that relevant to anything?
MilkyFilmz 26
Yes #11, I'm sure you'd just have something to burn them with.
starcaller17 16
I agree with 11, fire is fun
tehaustiebear 34
By this logic, is it safe to say the hippie didn't wipe after using the facilities?
littleteapot 21
Or just freebleed. A lot of hippy feminists are into that. Warning: Do NOT look up freebleeding. You will be scarred.
foxwasalamb 24
too late
octinate 17
Op probably grabbed so much tissue paper that provoked that lecture
ChevyRedneck85 13
Should've give them a nose bleed then told em to mind their business
Brandi_Faith 34
...And then see what they use to wipe up the blood with.
stargirl_95 24
I've frequented feminist circles a lot and the general consensus is that free bleeding is gross and unsanitary and that absolutely no one in their right mind should do it. I'm starting to think that free bleeding is just something 4chan spread around to troll people because I can't find a single feminist who practices or endorses it
martin8337 36
#1, hippies clothing are too unsanitary and plain dirty to use to stop bleeding from the nose or anywhere else.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
I don't know of any feminists who do that practise. Never met any on groups who do. Some (very few) use cloth towels, but that's no different to using cloth nappies (diapers) which is coming back. Most things you hear about feminists that make them sound nuts are spread by people who want to stop equality (feminism is only about women being equal to men socially, politically and legally). Women who are anti-men are about as true to feminism as "mens rights activists" on 4chan are. Back on topic, I think that may Jay be a crazy person. They'd probably not like you bleeding everywhere either.
skyeyez9 25
I never heard of it...and if its what I think it is, I don't want to know.
SweetGreyChaos 20
Believe me I was tempted
TheNewGuy03 29
She can just turn him/her into a bleeding-nose hippy.
littleteapot 21
I knew someone was going to read my comment and make it seem like I'm talking about all feminists. The feminists I was talking about are the extremists that also believe piv(penis in ******) intercouse is rape even if a woman consents. These extremists believe women are brain washed to allow men to penetrate them (which symbolizes their dominance). Let me repeat: I'm speaking of extreme feminists.
Kibkib 4
I'm also wondering about that. Does she use toilet paper in true hypocrite fashion, or does she drip dry and wipe her ass with her hand or something?! Pssht!
ArgentumAurum 24
Grab a few more while looking at him
BigLatchZatch 14
Yep. Then take some extra and shove em in your pockets for later, just in case.
Just_A_Tree 20
You know... One day when I'm dripping sap, I'll grab the nearest human, and use them to wipe it all up. And you know what! I'm gonna stick a few of them into my trunk for later, cause why not? Ya! That's right! It doesn't feel that great when the scenario is flipped, does it?
cryssycakesx3 23
hey now, 67, trees get their revenge with their fallen leaves,.pods, flowers, branches, acorns, cones, and other various tree-things, usually used for reproduction, that blow around. funny how they're good at landing conveniently on windshields eh?
riffehunter 16
67 everytime i get allergies its because i inhale pollen, i inhale plant sperm against my will. that makes you a rapist.
MrCantgetright 4
and when I see that happen I will be the first to grab a chainsaw, cut you down and burn you for heat during the winter.
Axipiter 24
Guys, don't **** with 67. Haven't y'all seen "The Happening"!?
Just_A_Tree 20
This man knows what's up! As for the whole pollen thing. I like to consider myself a sperm donor for the rest of nature. What happens with that sperm is none of my business, and I'm sorry it's too much for your human systems to handle.
cjwayy 22
Some people just need to shut their mouths. I don't understand why people talk to strangers like that...
Octwo 16
Not to mention that most paper towels and toilet paper these days are made from recycled paper
cadillacgal79 32
Plus almost all the bathrooms I walk into have paper towels and the automatic hand dryer.
Just_A_Tree 20
I take offense to my kind being abused like this. Wait, you guys use us too... Wipe? :0
allgameshateme 5
Mr.Tree stahp plz you guys fall on us and drop reproductive organs on us daily so dont be complaining when im allergic to your sperm flying through the air. Plus I usualy dry my hands with my shirt. I do apologize for our mass murders of trees but it's a 50/50 trade with what your kind does to us ok?
SweetGreyChaos 20
Right?! I didn't have words to reply to her
brendejafulable 41
Howd you reply?
Khaleesi_26 30
I agree, seems like it'd make a good follow up...
SweetGreyChaos 20
I stared at her, help up a bloody hand and politely told her to **** off
FayBerry88 11
Ask them if you can use their shirt then. ;)
Teddzz 19
Some of these "naturalists" go too far.
Just_A_Tree 20
No they don't! **** you OP! You and your bleeding nose! But seriously though, lean forward so as to not swallow the blood. Some people puke when the blood gets in their mouth. And place an ice pack on your upper lip and the bridge of your nose for maximum use of ice.
mageepaigeee44 15
I agree. I mean, I'm all for protecting the environment and leaving a smaller footprint on the planet but who honestly has the audacity to approach a bleeding stranger like that?
junkman6 22
Tell him he's a tree hater too because his joint wraps are paper. The look of confusion on their faces, priceless. Edit: Or she.
Just_A_Tree 20
Why all these haters?
andilovehim 14
most papers are actually hemp. Which grows back way faster than trees.
extremereviews 26
Tell him the joints he rolls uses paper from trees
MilkyFilmz 26
If you're going to copy someone else's comment, don't do it right after they post.
pwnman 33
Well, if you look at the time of posts, there is a strong possibility of them having alike minds.
brand125 17
27 - their comments were only a minute apart so chances are the other comment wasnt even there when this person was reading the comments and writing theirs. if your gonna be a jackass atleast know your facts
MilkyFilmz 26
#46 Sorry, and thank you for restating and expanding upon. what #28 said to me.
extremereviews 26
@27 it wasn't there when I started typing
MilkyFilmz 26
Sorry #57.
brand125 17
this is a comment section on the internet, if two differnt people have similar thoughts then they are both allowed to express them, dispite what alot of commentors on fml try to enforce
MilkyFilmz 26
Did I say he couldn't believe what he wanted? This is the internet, where no one cares for anyone.
MissHeartSihk 26
Poor dear. Why must people shove their beliefs in other people's faces? Don't let them get to you. By the way, sorry for the nose bleed.
GentlemanBastard 15
Lol sorry for the nosebleed? Why is everyone so overly nice? I sure OP didn't lose too much blood, but I'll pray for their recovery!
brand125 17
#37 - but then you say something similar? .......
foxwasalamb 24
hes being sarcastic^
MissHeartSihk 26
It may have been a brutal one OR maybe I'm just a nice person.
Flowtastic 16
^you don't say?
MissHeartSihk 26
oh, but I do. (;
allgameshateme 5
whats wrong with being overly nice?
SweetGreyChaos 20
The nosebleed happened because I was putting my sweatshirt on and punched myself in the face
MissHeartSihk 26
#83 In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with being nice. The world needs more nice people. (:
dawood_k 27
Guess he thought he or she was hip talking to you like that... Should have smacked the that person than sing Kumbaya as you walked away