Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML
Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML
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Top comments
Mividareal 0
FML?!?! Shit, you should consider yourself lucky!
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did you try the sausage?
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Comments (170)
dienda 0
l-o-l
KumoFF7 3
YDI for eating, fatty. nom nom nom
fmlfmlfml15 0
#36 ydi for replying to the 1st one just to get your comment shown
monsterhospital 0
oh do you not eat? sounds like you enjoy life.
KumoFF7 3
I deserve what? lol nothing bad happened to me. you fail.
CFR 0
#90 they were talking about getting your comment buried. YDI OP: Wow...lol just wow. He sounds like a manwhoredesperatepornstar Make a comment about how cheap it is =)
angelienie 0
haha!! you just made my day, #51... and i promise i'm not just posting this to be at the top like "he" did... idiot.
Scotland_111 0
He just wanted to give you full service and earn his tip, On the other hand, It would of been fhl if you just looked him up and down and replied "no, looks like just the pizza is..."
thisismyaccount 0
Lol this is funny, :P
Joe2794 0
Please do not feed the trolls! They want reactions from you people and that's the only reason they do it! Don't reply to them and they'll get bored... I hope.
plexico 4
You mean that you got a look at his dick and he was serious? Some women would find that to be a good thing. Am I missing something here? SECOND!
letitbe56 0
Wait, did he actually flash her? Where does it say that? If he did, I take back what I said somewhere else about her not calling the police.
DameGreyWulf 1
Maybe she meant that he was serious about wanting her to come over to his place? If it was about the dick, though... Well I hear sometimes it hurts .... she can't really complain if she took him up on the offer, though
XOfiestypixie 0
haha. I translated the FML as this: OP: wow the pizza sure is big! *referring to pizza* waiter: *writes down #* yes...there are other BIG things too here. *winks and pats crotch* OP: *twitch*. The waiter didn't ACTUALLY show his "stuff", just hinted that he's *big*.
plexico 4
fiesty pixie, I interpreted that "He was serious" to mean that somehow the OP had evidence that the waiter was not joking. Of course, the normal assumption is that he was referring to his external genitalia. One really askew way to understand this is that he was talking about his prostate gland! Enlarged prostate -- DE-LIGHT-FUL!
generalsmith2 0
plexico. she meant he was serious as in he wasn't making a joke. not that it actually was big. how stupid are you?
DameGreyWulf 1
I think he was making fun of the wording.
plexico 4
generalsmith2, I'm not stupid. I just try to read the FML's in the funniest way I can. If everyone took these things at face value, this would be a very boring place. All the posts would be "That sucks" and "YDI for being a *****."
lessthanbee 0
generalsmith, google how to get a sense of humor and understand sarcasm. really.
Mividareal 0
FML?!?! Shit, you should consider yourself lucky!
andlifesuxagain 0
Agreed, not an FML, not even close... So he wanted to pleasure you with a large apendage.. OOO Poor you!
Emma_91 0
So even if he was some gross bummy-looking old fart she should be glad?
Emma_91 0
lol never mind my firts comment got posted :) Bloody computer issues...
French2Chicka 0
LMAO, i agree, isnt she lucky? the dude things shes hot, go for him girl ;P
YLS 0
Yes, a woman who receives sexual harassment should feel happy! Jackass.
sk8rchick97 0
lol was he good looking???
metawarr556 3
That's rather scary.
snow_cloak 0
omg, that sucks, and he wasn't hot either, otherwise you'd mention it
MinaGermania 12
It probably wouldn't have been an FML either
sireen 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
LOLOL how disturbing.... I hope you reported him. he can easily get fired & I'm sure the police would take further action
ohnoyouDINT 0
Shut your vag. It's not illegal to hit on a woman.
letitbe56 0
I don't think the police need to be involved here. It's not illegal to be gross or to ask someone out. This guy is disgusting, but not a criminal. Although he probably does deserve a reprimand for asking out a customer. There are some situations where it could be appropriate, but it doesn't sound like the OP was flirting with him.
ohnoyouDINT 0
If the police had been called, they'd have told OP to stop wasting their time, take off the diaper, and put on her big girl pants. It's a sleazy come-on, not sexual assault.
generalsmith2 0
#6 probably thinks looking at a women funny is sexual assualt. shes muslim or somethin. check her pic yo
Emma_91 0
#96 Looking at women and hitting on her are two completely different things. Since he is at work, if the OP reports him, he probably will be fired. It's totally not appropriate to do that to a customer.
Xdanicat 0
#6, I really doubt the police would care. But his manager might. Even then, I wouldn't even report him. Although it's innapropriate, it's pretty funny. I would've laughed. OP, stop being so uptight. Just laugh it off.
generalsmith2 0
yea. and appropriate and calling the police are too different things too retard. i was obviously exaggerating when i said looking.
Intoxicunt 6
#96, um..."she's muslim or something"??? Seriously? Ok, so what do Christians look like? Blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin, and a large golden cross? I'm pretty sure you can't look at someone and tell their faith, except if they DO wear a large religious symbol or something. Way to look like a judgmental moron.
Emma_91 0
#130: She's wearing a hijab. (That's what it's called right?) But still the fact that she's Muslim doesn't change the fact that 96 is a racist ass. :)
Intoxicunt 6
Oh, sorry. I didn't notice. Oops. But still, she looks like a well-adjusted person, and she lives in USA. She's hardly going to fly a plane into some towers. So yes, he is a giant racist ass. =]
hawaiiroots808 0
hah
stolencookie 17
144- whoa, now. Who ever said anything about being a terrorists? The fact that that even comes to mind just because she is Muslim brings to question who the racist and discriminating one really is...
caancoha 0
Gross. Maybe you should order that pizza as a take-out item.
captaincook_fml 1
And the server, giggity giggity..
Imawhalerider 0
Haha and you should break everything that is big there to a smaller size.
amsedel 1
LOL you should be very flattered. ;)
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did you try the sausage?
heartemopants 18
LOL