Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
High times
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
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Comments (109)
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
Stazza11 27
Plot twist: the dogs name is goldfish.
mb2_native 15
This should be a movie haha
slingerslasher 24
Plot twist: he was referring to the goldfish crackers he was eating.
noah_1234 24
i wonder how it feels to be high, i know you act weird but the actual feeling.
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
Adeptasaurus 12
Yeah, OP could you maybe.. You know.. Hook me up with some of that devils lettuce?
peacheso 31
I think he had a drink called SHOCKER. It's an illegal drink in Ghana: it's boiled weed mixed with pineapple juice and vodka and some other herbs nobody talks about.
supertacowaffle 41
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow
Stazza11 27
That's it? Nothing else was running through your mind at the time? Or you simply had to get thumbed down?
adamzki1999 16
Very creative
TigranPetrosian 8
woah, this is some deep s**t.
cocainewhore 30
It's ok, I once called my mum crying because I thought the dog was dissolving into dust.
BigLatchZatch 14
First we have goldfish barking, then dogs dissolving. What's next, cats driving cars?
SMHsohard 22
Dogs and cats, living together...
Enslaved 38
Living together like the cartoon "CatDog"?
AFaye3964 17
you sure, you smoked pot? Sounds more like a bad trip.
SMHsohard 22
Actually #11, I was thinking of "Ghostbusters" God I hate it when I date myself like that lol
beefsteak07 12
*calls dmv*
Mushroomtipbob 5
damn what were u smokin lol
cocainewhore 30
#41 and #89 it was the first (and last) time I took mushrooms. Bad decision. I also thought the room was collapsing, but no one was nice enough to check up on me afterwards. The vet sounds like a good guy.
ArturoRamirez 16
I have an uncle who was once so drunk he tried to kiss a horse and get on it the wrong way, by trying to get on top of the horse's head.
flufee2 27
What if your fish really was barking....
Fas4wd 13
High on what? What stuff does that to you? Not weed.
BubbleGrunge 18
Ugh I accidentally down voted you but you're so right. Weed is not going to make you act this way unless it was laced or you got high on something else. People need to stop blaming their foolishness on pot; in this day and age, the education we have on Cannabis is so great that most people know OP is more than likely full of shit. Unless OP is the small SMALL precent that react badly to Cannabis; in that case I retract my "full of shit" statement.
BubbleGrunge 18
Usually though, those who react badly to marijuana have severe psychosis; not thinking their fish is barking.
mary_13 26
#16 I mostly agree with what you said but some people do react badly to weed, it's worse if your smoking for the first time especially if the weed is of high quality. Then again I don't think I've ever heard of something like this happening before when the person only smoked weed.
smokecloud_ 37
OP could've been staring into his fish tank, heard a dog barking outside, and thought it was his fish.
AFaye3964 17
i love your explanation.
flyingplatypis 7
i react badly. i get panic attacks and i bawl my eyes out...and then eat a lot of food and fall asleep. but i don't have psychosis.
AloysiusWeasley 15
In Ghana, it's probably chewing khat, which is a mild hallucinogen.
BubbleGrunge 18
Anxiety is a case of psychosis. Psychosis is an abnormal condition of the mind. It can deviate from mild to extreme. I had an ex who couldn't smoke because he would have severe panic attacks and at times get violent. Granted he had other mental health issue so he wasn't the norm, however I know a handful of people who can't handle the weed due to the anxiety it gives them. Everyone I know that acts that way usually ends up having a bad time yet I've yet to meet someone who hallucinates from smoking straight up weed. However, not to be a totally bitch I gave OP the benefit of the doubt and just because I haven't met them yet doesn't mean they don't exist. Sigh, I still think he's full of shit though.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
I was thinking that he could have had the idea to call the vet and say that as a joke. You do dumb shit high. One time while high on weed I accidentally purchased a $40 membership to a **** site. And not even a good one at that.
llamarrama01 21
Should've watch pink Floyd the wall. If there's ever a time. It's when you're high.
marcus369 9
deans face makes it look like your encouraging him to lol
llamarrama01 21
Dean always encourages it.
RipperOBongs 10
Uhm you mean listen... Unless your on something other than marijuana.
carbontetra 14
The Wall is also a movie
llamarrama01 21
I know. That's why I said to watch it.
kjohn122000 8
thumbs up just cuz of Dean :)
LiliLatte 15
Plot twist : your fish was barking but you can't remember
Lil_Red777 21
Your comment is bad and you should feel bad!
UnidentifiedFun 37
That must have been laced with something deep
sorryheadphones 26
You were mistaken, it was actually a dogfish not a goldfish