Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
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Comments (109)
snippit 18
That's gold op!
simpilot312 6
lol idiot
ash_l_e_I_g_h 3
We had a duck cookie jar, when we were teenagers and my brothers friends thought the damn thing was quacking. He said "I could've sworn that duck just said 'quack, quack'" Needless to say, they took the weed from him.
Weasely 11
Who said he was hallucinating? He could've been in the room with the fish, and there was a dog barking outside somewhere. Easy explanation. I used to smoke and have/had no tolerance to weed and completely believe this could happen. I've gotten high enough that normally common sounds distort and make no sense and it's hard to decipher them.
Ilikepie82479 20
You deserve it after the first three words
Epickitty58 29
Good job finding that damn good weed. At least the vet didn't question it or call the cops, and just was concerned. FYL, OP. It's like drunk dialing. You never know what's gonna happen.
Umbreon_Princess 12
Everyone assuming it was weed... I don't do drugs of any sort and even I know weed isn't the only thing to get one high...
Cringey 18
I'll have what you're having
Slover1995 9
was it salvia? lmao
Bubblezx 12
That sounds like a fun trip