Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
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Comments (109)
Omniprism 15
This is funny. I think it's sweet your vet called back to check on you. Maybe next time no phone calls while high. Have fun.
Jaevwyn 17
YDI
penguin_bitchez 15
I call bullshit
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I can't believe how many people are laughing and saying this is awesome. I clicked YDI the second I read that OP intentionally got high. You're lucky all you did was call your vet, OP; the situation could have ended a lot worse. Next time, don't do drugs. Problem solved.
JCal585 8
Oh? And what other terrors could have consumed her? A bag of Doritos and a couch? Marijuana isn't a drug, it's a plant. Sugar is more of a drug than marijuana is, eat responsibly!
Kramer1998 20
I forgot they had smartphones in africa, especially in ghana
wellthenpeople 5
You clearly were high if you called a vet about a goldfish
moonbootz 7
Happens to the best of us mate. Happy smoking. Be safe. p.s. Goldfish dont bark.They scream. :P
xkatiexhx 5
Hey when I got high for the first time I offered a guy a bj, hj and sex...in the middle of the high street...and I screamed it.
JCal585 8
I wouldn't share that story... That's one I would keep to myself..
JCal585 8
Idiots like you retard any growth the legalization movement had. You should be ashamed of your stupidity and your inability to handle a perfectly mild substance.
IWillJudgeYou 6
really simple but revolutionary solution: dont get high dumbass