Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML
Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML
Today, I was sitting behind a cute girl in class. She said she liked musicals, so I played The Greatest Showman at full blast on my headphones. She turned around and moved seats. FML
Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML
Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended, he loudly complained to his friends about the 'annoying girl' sitting next to him. FML
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Top comments
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
If it's war she wants, it's war she gets. Popcorn launcher? Check. Friends to your left and right armed to the teeth with popcorn and/or condiments? Check. List of suggestive names to call her that are borderline offensive? Check. Feet ready to kick the seat at regular intervals? Check. Let the games begin.
rambles 0
wow! what assholes!!
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Comments (120)
dimension516 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First
Reyo 2
I would've planted my foot in the back of her head, but then again...I was born with testicles. Or you could complain to the manager, though I'd still go for the "foot meets back of the head" technique.
caticaticati 3
If you're going to kick a woman in the head (even if she is being rude), you actually probably DON'T have testicles. :)
eehizle 0
is 87 a male or a female?
mydgmax 0
that bish!! =o why didn't u move to a different spot
fwodyqbco654 0
go home
rambles 0
wow! what assholes!!
NuTrees 9
wow bunch of tight wads huh? It's funny some people can still have a sense if humor. maybe you two should catch on and spread love.
doglover100 29
I hate when that happens.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
If it's war she wants, it's war she gets. Popcorn launcher? Check. Friends to your left and right armed to the teeth with popcorn and/or condiments? Check. List of suggestive names to call her that are borderline offensive? Check. Feet ready to kick the seat at regular intervals? Check. Let the games begin.
xxreikoxx 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ugh...easy way to get kicked out. Comment for the fail.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
You're right. (clears throat) This theater war has been rated PG-13. Parental discretion is advised. Now that we're clear, let the games begin (again).
xxreikoxx 31
Just give them both a good Gibbs-smack to the backs of their heads if they don't move out of the way. Or look for a shorter line to get in, if there is one.
snafu57 1
Let the good times roll. Great ideas.
maverick1031 0
+1 for NCIS Reference... But really, just ask her to stop, if that doesn't work, then smack away... at both of them.
kisseshugsdrugs 5
now this is what im talking about. they want war? then attack! every time they move throw a little bit of popcorn at them..and keep going until they bitch at you. then tell them theyre robbing you of your movie experience and to shut up hahaha
Tigg3r 3
OMG that would've been perfect!! I do that all the time "You've just been Gibbs-smacked". XD Abby is my fav!
PeopleRSoDumb 0
Slap that giantess in the back of her abnormally large head. Or spit skittles (or other sticky) candy in her hair.
marc_with_a_c 3
Bubblegum would be better.. ;p
No_Heart 0
He has obviously already left the cinema, enless you are saying he has the ability to travel in time, which i will assume he does. In which case he should go back in time and give her pregnant mother the old forced abortion, and by forced abortion i do mean he is going to beat the crap out of her mothers ******.
Peroxide 3
That's a huge bitch!
xxreikoxx 31
Hmmm...giant person blocking your way with an obnoxious second telling said giant where to move. I think it's time to tell the pair that their humor is appreciated, but borderline annoying. -_-+
InstaKarma 0
You should 'accodentally' spill a giant orange soda all over her. Bet she'd leave! Make sure to get the douche next to her, too.
fwodyqbco654 0
*accidentally
fobchick 0
I would get those ketchup or mustard packets and squirt them either in her hair or on the back of her seat, what twat waffles.
Cony_fml 0
You could have just tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to stop. If that didn't work then everything you do to her after would be moraly right. Mwhahahahahahaha
MACJunkie 0
It's funny how someone can spell the word douche (which is hardly used), yet they can't spell accidentally (with the help of a built-in spell check)!!! And Enless isn't a word either.. unless is what you are looking for. You people need to learn how to spell, it's pathetic. Why didn't you just be mature and get up and move to a different seat? Or ask her to move her fat head out of the way.
The_Pleb 0
MACjunkie why dont you do us all a favour and go home Noone wants to read your comment
No_Heart 0
People who make honest mistakes with spelling don't anoy me, it's the ones who do things like use u instead of you whose children I want to **** to death, at least make and effort.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
The ****? What's with all these grammar nazi's on the site? I thought I was on FML not writing an english paper... It doesn't make you sound intelligent, it just makes you sound like a pathetic asshole. And no_heart, what the hell kind of expression is 'I want to rape their children to death' ?!? Are you a ******* pedo or something??
repyourcliche 0
PRETENTIOUS ALERT! PRETENTIOUS ALERT! Also, if we're on the subject of criticising people, ellipsis is three dots, not two. And several of the words in your comment should have been in inverted commas, including "enless" which shouldn't have been capitalised either. But since you're so perfect, you probably already knew that, didn't you?
xxreikoxx 31
Is this an FML, or is it a grammar-slaying forum? Why are you people wasting your time? It's pointless. If you want to correct others so much, then you should have gone to college to become a middle school English/Writing teacher. Half of those kids can't even spell the words "you're," "a lot," and "they're" properly, let alone those million-dollar words that are carelessly tossed out nowadays. I'm not standing up for anyone in particular; I'm putting all of you haters down.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
@mercy - I. Am. So. ANNOYED. RIGHT. NOW!.
alexFYL 11
Hahaha! Ditto this. So small she wouldn't notice ... gum in the hair works nice too, or just hock a big lugie (sp?) Or stand up to go to the bathroom and forget your food or drink is on your lap and spill it all over her. Oops! Oh crap, ma'am, I'm so sorry!
alexFYL 11
Shut up you moron, you can't begin a sentence with a preposition, therefore your sentence "Or ask her to move her fat head out of the way." is incorrect. By the way, the word 'douche' is used quite often, as people are often very fluent in insults. Additionally, your overuse of parenthesis is rather appalling.
midnight_rain 0
Really?? Oh go **** yourself. Stop trying to look so smart, I bet you used a ******* thesaurus to write your smart ass response. News flash - This is FML, nobody really gives 2 ***** about grammar.
InstaKarma 0
MAC -- Oh, I do apologize. The FML app I am using didn't run the spell check on that word because I used the quotation marks. I do know how to spell 'accIdentally.' Lay off.
stephyhull 4
you're clearly a ****.