Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML
Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss's 13-year-old son. FML
Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML
Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML
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Top comments
Charmillionaire 13
Walk up to her and say, "Does this look familiar?", then drop your pants.
challan 19
I bet you were a stallion, man! Orally satisfied her, rocked her world in several positions, and brought her to numerous orgasms. ummm... except you were drunk, so what really happened is you only got to half mast, came as you put the condom on, threw up on her bed and tripped over her cat as you tried to get to the bathroom. Well done.
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Comments (47)
annie_nk 23
Now you know to slow it down between drinks.
onlychildFTW 34
How can getting this drunk be fun? It can't be. You forget all the fun you had with really sexy people. Never over do it OP. It's no fun not remembering. Especially when you may or may not have been with a really got girl.
evilplatypus 39
10 - I agree completely. I'm not one of those absolutists that say "never drink", but I firmly believe that you need to find your limit and stick within it. If you get drunk to the point of memory impairment, something is wrong with your self control.
Krajjan 9
Speaking as someone that suffers from crippling alcoholism (I quit drinking, but the addiction never dies) perhaps its time to, you know, reevaluate your idea of a good time, OP? If you can't help but get blackout drunk when drinking, especially over an entire weekend, you have a problem.
Bea_FaCurtains 17
If it's just a rumor then what's there to remember?
evilplatypus 39
I couldn't find a single definition that says a rumor HAS to be false. OP got so drunk he can't remember if the rumor is true or not.
Charmillionaire 13
Walk up to her and say, "Does this look familiar?", then drop your pants.
RacistPancake 6
Genius!!!
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Nah just ask to hang out with her and it'll happen again, and this time you can do it properly
klovely22 13
My favorite comment on Fml so far!
challan 19
I bet you were a stallion, man! Orally satisfied her, rocked her world in several positions, and brought her to numerous orgasms. ummm... except you were drunk, so what really happened is you only got to half mast, came as you put the condom on, threw up on her bed and tripped over her cat as you tried to get to the bathroom. Well done.
dreamering 16
Being drunk and came fast? I really doubt that.
DuRpY 5
Incidentally, the latter part of your comment is a fairly accurate description of how I spend most of my weekends, Challan. Or so I'm told. I dance to my own tune - it's who I am. I accept myself, and in that I find no shame.
cradle6 13
Dreamering is actually right. If anything being drunk will prevent you from having an ******.
challan 19
15- I find the admittance of such things refreshing and quite awesome. Almost enough to give you my number. Almost. 26- For some, whiskey dick can limit the sensation and make it hard to cum, indeed. However, Op will never know which way his went, and I was hoping mine, for the sake of the co-worker. Bad sex can only be topped by long bouts of bad sex.
379_fml 11
... I don't think I've met you... How do you know the story of my life? Just kidding...?
torbey 23
clearly she remembered it if people know about it already. bit of a 'smush and tell.'
torbey 23
*she stupid anti-flood not letting me correct my own comment haha :-(
loohoozuuhuur 13
I can never understand why people get so drunk that they don't remember things... what's the fun of that?
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Forgetting about your sorrows by drowning them in alcohol is one reason. That, or OP just didn't know his limits.
379_fml 11
Try it... The stories you hear the next day of what you did are HILARIOUS
Krajjan 9
Just don't start drinking in Santa Clarita an wake up in Guadalupe. Quit a long walk. A long walk indeed.
P1P_BOY 6
try taking it easier next time and not getting wasted so you cant remember and wake up hung over the next morning....
Feverrotes 15
Maybe it never happened. Just walk up to her and ask her if she could help you remember by hooking up after work tonight.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
That's why it's called a rumor, it never really happened.
Tektite 14
You should try talking to her OP.. Say hi, ask her if she wanted to go for a coffee or something. Then.. BOW CHIKA BOW WOW!! *rawrr!* ;D