Today, my recently built semi-detached house is so cheap and shoddily put together, I can both hear and feel the vibrations of my grossly obese neighbour farting in her sleep. No joke, every time she farts, I feel it vibrating my bed frame through the floorboards. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, my new neighbours moved in. I had always thought my bedroom wall was soundproof, because my old neighbours never complained about my loud night terrors. Turns out they were just stone deaf. The new ones can hear everything. FML
Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Did you not examine the house before buying it?
randybryant799 21
Why would you buy such a crap house?
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Comments (6)
randybryant799 21
Why would you buy such a crap house?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Did you not examine the house before buying it?
Jon Tessler 14
a lot of realtors are telling home buyers to "skip" the home inspection because it "saves the buyer money".
BurnInDemonFire 39
Then it's their fault for agreeing to that.
Brightside86 31
Even if you get an inspector many will green light anything because it's better for their relationship with relaters.
RichardPencil 32
Buy her a butt plug. You should sell your house now while it's an insane sellers' market. Advertise the farting neighbor, and you'll get $50,000 above asking!
Vesi 30
OK so.. we're shaming a neighbor who does what EVERYONE in the world does, pass gas? And how does her being obese have ANYTHING to do with the crap house you bought? Sounds like an excuse to fatshame someone who has perfectly normal bodily functions.
Slayer 8
All Hail the SJW