Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me is pregnant. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
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Top comments
chico86 2
Yet another soon to be single mom!
bayli 12
You must have some pretty magical sperm.
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Comments (184)
nanpooo 6
"yes my dear, I do feel your excitement for this, but must I remember you we haven't fornicated in 7 months?" I can only imagine how well this went.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
That's good news in a way. I'm guessing you're not ready to be a father. At least you're free to get out that situation. To bad that had to happen though..
GothicAngel17 24
He's probably not ready to be a father because, oh I don't know, he's not a father? He needs to kick that cheating bitch to the curb.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Obviously he's not a father, and perhaps he's not ready to be one either. That is why I said at least he can get out of that situation. If it was his he wouldn't be so lucky now would he. Did I explain that simple enough for you or do you need further information?
c8750 2
Wft Call!!!!
Futacy 30
Bitches ain't nothin' but tricks and hoes.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
13 Do you mean bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks? I don't agree with what ya said I just thought that's the phrase you meant to say.
Futacy 30
yeah...
seriouslythat 6
13 would you care to rephrase that in English instead of ghetto?
Futacy 30
46- Oh my gawsh! I was just quoting rap lyrics, no need to publicly execute me.
RedPillSucks 33
No problem. We'll do it in private where there wont be any witnesses.
Futacy 30
-_- I'm done. ...
lilhellian 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Good bye and good ridence. *sends ninja assassin team to make sure you never return.*
AaronGuy 12
51, I think you mean persecute.
Futacy 30
89- i dont care anymore
CallMeMcFeelii 14
It's ok, futacy, my comment got thumbed down as well. But at least we always have each other ;). Haha.
graffitied_love 20
I'm hoping you called her out on it
vbmg152 19
Better teach her how to count! If she insists, get a DNA test & you'll be in the clear. Don't sign anything without legal advice!
jjmiller1001 17
wow, thats gatta be that new math i keep hearing about
ruthlessmofo 0
Bro...if you haven't seen her in seven months I'm sorry but I don't think it was gonna work out anyways.
redbandit9877 12
He could be in the military on deployment or something, I think that is a pretty valid reason
celiiceegee 6
In my opinion it'd suck even more if he's in the military..
laurennngarciaa 0
Not seeing her for 7 months doesnt mean anything. My boyfriend and i live in seperate states and he'll be in the military soon.
MzMegs 20
So, what? Long-distance relationships never work out? 7 months is less than a year, and have you ever noticed how quickly years fly by?
Welshite 40
At least she thinks you'll be an awesome father, so there's always that.
kalbrek009 20
Yeah 25, but just wait til she denies that she's the mother.(I'm waiting for her FML on that one) Doesn't matter who she thinks "would be a good/great father"...she's an unfaithful, self serving, stuck on herself idiot & a cheater!
kitkatkit 4
An awesome father as opposed to who? The real father? Yep that's probably how she thought that would go.
lolipop1234_fml 7
Next she will try tell you it was an immaculate conception.
Kallian_fml 21
Is your girlfriend a scorpion? I hear they can store sperm in their bodies for months at a time. Whatever you do though, don't try to drown her.
XxQueenofPuppets 10
Bearded dragons also have this ability, as do cats and many other animals. Congrats OP on marrying an animal-related superhero!
XxQueenofPuppets 10
*dating
mercymedical 6
I see you pay attention. ^_^