Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML
Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML
Today, I showed my boss the app where I can remotely monitor my new home security cameras. As we panned the camera around, we were greeted by my son smoking a bong - sound and all. Way to go, boy. FML
Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
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Top comments
Wizzlbang 10
He wanted to make sure no one would steal it, obviously.
Askzombie 14
Why would you send your own son to the cops for masturbating at home?
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Comments (125)
isallwaysme 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
SON rubbing one out? id be more concerned about that.
CheeseHater 23
And why is that? Every guy masturbates. So why worry?
Bubbelz 25
He probably thought "robbing one out". Never heard "rubbing" as masturbating...
Mischief109 11
Isn't rubbing one out used for girls? I think that's what #1 is getting at
doodlecloud 27
'Rubbing one out' is not exactly an uncommon phrase, particularly on the internet. It's pretty equally used for both genders but if I really had to choose I'd say it was more to do with guys. I dunno why 1 is freaking out.
Trickiest_K 9
I'd say rubbing one out is more applicable to girls. There are much better ways to say that for guys :L
skatoolaki 24
Why?
summerguy97 16
35, using the hand to ********** for both genders involves rubbing.
KingDead 18
I hate 'flick the bean' hahah
Wimoweh 10
63, it's more of a back and forth motion than just rubbing for guys. Not that I'd know...
isallwaysme 27
24, that's exactly what I was getting at. It seems that not many other people made the connection. Or I should have worded it differently.
Wizzlbang 10
He wanted to make sure no one would steal it, obviously.
MrLedger98 4
Steal what? He was jerking off
j_cat187 20
*ZOOOOM!!!!*. Oh shit! That joke flew right past you.
mattorama 15
Better to have that joke fly past you than hit you in the face!
teentee401 37
Better to have it hit you in the face than look like an idiot!
SweetasCandy0609 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you should turn it into the police he needs to know that their are consequences to his actions.
isallwaysme 27
There*
Askzombie 14
Why would you send your own son to the cops for masturbating at home?
Chronophage 7
Did you read the same FML that I did? Last I checked, there were no laws against masturbation.
icadragoon 11
Thanks for the laugh, I needed that. I think maybe you should read FML's slower from now on, I'm thinking you read this too quickly and jumped to conclusions that weren't there.
Bubbelz 25
Rubbing one out = masturbating. What kind of slang is this anyway? British?
Cartera 10
I think 4 has completely lost her ******* mind.
Dracoboxer357 36
13- Sure there is. If you don't believe me, go flog your meat somewhere extremely public, you'll have the boys in blue showing up to encourage you to Cease and Desist all actions, just before they offer to show you their pretty station they work from. ;P 23- Rubbing one out, aka, rubbing your penis until you ******, not really odd slang you know. It actually makes perfect sense as an accurate description of masturbating. :p
JoshuahColins 19
You stupid?
not_a_robot 15
What consequences would that be? Is there a secret organization of jack-off police that I am unaware of?
skatoolaki 24
I do so hope you are being facetious.
Ki11erC 18
Does no one here get sarcasm?
skatoolaki 24
No. American slang but really it's a fairly old one used fairly prolifically online and even in movies. I'm honestly surprised you've never heard of it.
broomhallb 6
It's quite common slang here in Aus :)
bodyguerdson 16
#4 That's the dumbest thing I've heard (read) in a loooong time
Freethaawave 19
Did absolutely no one get that #4's comment was sarcastic!? Wow.
Ms_ValS 27
Hahahaha! If you are serious, then turning in one's son for jerking off wtf. What exactly do you expect the cops to do to the boy? They all do it too!
arsenicalhumor 30
In a way, #4, are you saying that you would do that to your child? Send them to jail, just for that? Because if so, that's effed up.
FALLENSEBZERO 16
Jeez, are you ******* stupid? God haha thanks for the laughs, but the jokes on you!
yeti37 16
#4 "Today, I made a comment on FML and got 115 thumbs down and getting more. I'm an idiot. FML."
WastedPotential 6
he didnt mean robbing. haha. dnt worry honest mistake
smartypants9 15
You know, if #4's comment is sarcastic, they REALLY need to go back to sarcasm school. Because now they just look like an idiot.
macho_nacho 7
Yes, #4. There are consequences for sexually gratifying yourself. If the dad were to actually talk to the police, they would laugh in his face and leave. How about you worry about more pressing and important matters that are actually worth calling the police; like domestic violence, arson, etc?
im_joking 11
Maybe he was just marking his territory... Good luck OP!
dr_snow_bear 29
I guess you wish that all seeing eye could blink.
DocBastard 40
"Look only if you wish to see." - Confucius Now that I think about it, I may have just made that up...
DuRpY 5
A better Confucius quote yet: "Man should learn to **********. Will come in handy."
Pleonasm 36
I'm pretty sure Einstein said it.
VorpikeII 17
"If you don't want to see, don't look" -Socrates Think thats the one.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Peek not through a keyhole, lest ye be vexed" -Severus Snape There's the one.
oh_merde 11
Imagine the burglar breaking into your house and seeing that. Everyone loses.
karlcolt45 19
couch like living room couch?? whoa that's a lil forward
maosquare 18
And the term couch potato takes on a new meaning...
Mr_Satan 11
Couch potato? Naw... this ones a couch kumquat.
PrinceDarko 13
I would probably wait for a burglary to occur before watching any more videos. What you don't know can't hurt you or at least give you a mental scar.
RZB 11
I hope you didn't keep watching...