anon
United States
Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Mojo_Jojo
China
Couch action
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Mojo
United Kingdom
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
manderz?
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
Beach Haven, United States
Love is…
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Anonymous
Clarksville, United States
Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML
drpepperking10
United States
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
jswag2004
Elgin, United States
Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML
Sad_Happy_Gorl
This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff
Slobber
Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML
dontask
United States
Classy
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
ug
Canada
Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML
Anonymous
United States
Creeped out of here
Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML
Top comments
Blueglasscup 18
At least you went on a date with your crush!
hook_em 0
just one question. how do you know what a dying slug feels like on your lips? do you eat them things or something?
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Comments (208)
hook_em 0
just one question. how do you know what a dying slug feels like on your lips? do you eat them things or something?
rolandinho 0
haha word
flipflop34 0
hey the good thing is that you got to go out with your crush!!
OhHeySlogan 4
your pic is beautiful!
bentleysdad11611 0
hey the good thing is you should've read #3 instead of posting this !!!!!
JokerJohn7 0
147- stfu
166324 0
its unfortunate that youre lesbian
changuit0 0
Omg pretty eyes :D
carolineaxoxo 1
Pedo seriously
MissRoxiie 12
ewww lol, learn him to kiss in the future
AwesomeNinjazz 3
fail
TripOnShoelaces 0
Herp derp.
lonewolf6613 4
aww 19 it's ok we all know what you meant. still pretty funny though. :)
tona01 16
question: how can you learn someone?
lonewolf6613 4
maybe *someone* is really a type of fighting?like karate or something?
Zeek63 0
MissRoxiie you have a pointy nose... don't fade palm or it will go straight through your hand...
lonewolf6613 4
^^^oh wow that's jerk! funny tho. lol
BrookieCookie101_fml 0
my family always says that too, always telling me they will learn me. lol :P it's a southern thing.
jseta94 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha............. Jk that was stupid
Newboyz00185 0
Erm....... Proper English is a must.......?
perdix 31
Trying using less salt on your margaritas.
RokNRoll11 9
that's just gross I've seen a dying slug
MissPessimistic 0
dying slug as in, dried up lips? eww.
imaberry95 0
maybe you guys missed each others lips so basically made out with each others cheeks! he probably felt like he was kissing a walrus!! (I LOVE MY PROFILE PIC)
TripOnShoelaces 0
... Kay then.
Monii_Harlz 11
haha you made me laugh :D and I like your profile pic too
trefizzle24 1
love the profile pic lol
ravensfan17 0
shame :( should you see a doctor for that issue?
imaberry95 0
haha here's a tissue for your issue!
airborn54 0
a dying slug!? how in the hell did it make you feel like that?
bentleysdad11611 0
hahaha why is your pic a giraffe trying to bang a pony
reggicm 0
Bad kisses are so disappointing :(