Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
saintsrocksocks 10
Well somebody has to do it if you won't.
ChefPhilly 13
Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...
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Comments (265)
Ncbaby2012_fml 3
More men should learn to do it themselves instead of bothering us to do it
joeychan 0
Then do it for him!
akiahara 14
I think maybe you should step up the fellatio quota, because sucking a **** definitely brings his sexuality into question.
jacquesromualdez 12
And then? Spit or swallow?
KaskStunter 4
Awwww, a man's attempt to self sufficiency.
monalisa911 1
guess that **** won't be eating chick fila
Greggums 2
That's not possible unless you get ribs removed.
neander 8
It certainly is, no rib removal necessary.
Spiral_Thoughts 19
I don't know how prevalent autosexuality (here referring to being aroused by oneself) is, but I don't think it is uncommon. I know that the autosexual activity of masturbation is pretty much universal. Fellatio of oneself is just another example of an autosexual activity. Such a thing has no bearing on one's general sexuality.
mohawkbear 5
Hey, I guarantee, if every guy could do it, he would. And we'd never leave the house!
coolbrony12 3
Well on the bright side you now no your husband is gay.
Spiral_Thoughts 19
I don't think It is as simple as that - one does not necessarily fall on either extreme (hetero or ****) of the sexuality spectrum. Enjoying one's own penis is not equivalent to enjoying the penes of others. I personally don't see any issue with it, so long as the person in question is judicious about the process (as to avoid injury). Of course, there is always the possibility that someone could be gay and not ready to admit it or not fully aware of it yet. If so, well then he IS, and the sun still rises the next morning. =]