Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
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Top comments
jillz 0
..and how did you discover this? o.O
CastlesInTheSky 0
remember, immature spells IM mature (:
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Comments (49)
jillz 0
why 'the monkey'? lol
joshhh11 0
spanking the monkey maybe?
PottentialFML 0
She should be the monkey who "peels" his "banana"
mgblaskewicz 0
it could be worse...she could refer to it as a hairy, 400 lb. gorilla...or Jean Claude Van Damme so everytime you hear "bloodsport" you instantly get an image of a hairy 400 lb. gorilla pounding your mom's vag. FYL.
jimmyjim13 5
Oh I get its short , round, and smells like ass
jillz 0
..and how did you discover this? o.O
Cloister 0
I want your monkey in my jungle?
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
You would move out if you would move out? I would, too.
lexie206 0
I was thinking the same thing. I think I'd be more traumatized knowing that he calls it "the monkey" than knowing my mom thinks I'm immature for disliking him. FYL though OP
Laurendorcus 0
Weird. You would think they would call it the Banana...
dv2010 0
Thats creppy...i would move out if I would move out if i were you...just sayin.
Compass 0
Well, you DO refer to him in an immature way? Why don't you like him?
MF12 0
well he's in immature because he calls his penis the monkey... just a guess
JCfox07 0
really how'd u get that idea?
maxoute 8
Wow what a creep..how did you find out? I dont suppose you...walked in on them o_0?
Tahsis 4
Don't see how this is really intimacy. I mean you mention a penis once. If anywhere, it goes in misc.
bhangu023 0
ahahaha
lalalandman 3
rofl
shayluv911 0
now the only part u left out is HOW u found out nd why u were being a creeper....