Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML
Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML
Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML
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Top comments
DoctorWhooves 6
... try the Solar System?
slsrox1298 0
lol thats better than the girl who was paired with her brother lol
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Comments (258)
RoxxyHustle 7
That's probably the best possible answer you could have gotten. I'm sorry you wasted an hour of your time OP, but stay unique. F eHarmony anyways :-)
harbqll 0
You do realize that's just their polite way of saying you're an asshole?
adamcichuttek 2
There's nobody out there for you then either.
mnmolino 14
Dont be mean, There is someone out there for everybody... Sometimes you need a few ones... Or just your own hand... Or a simple mirror :)
purple91 8
You're not alone OP... the same thing happened to me a few months ago except I was rejected by FML as well.
mhnilo88 0
Try the universe if the solar system doesnt come up with anything
ppl2ppl 4
Awe don't worry about it too much, you'll find true love one day soon. :) stay positive! :D
ebxr82nv 2
That happened to my mum, and she's a nut case. What does that say about you?
mnmolino 14
Way to be a jerk. If I were you I wouldn't be bragging about my nut job of a mother, I mean; what dose that say about you?
beemee630 1
If it makes you feel better, my prof was telling me about a guy he knew. He signed up on eharmony, match.com and another one. All 3 gave him his money back and told him he was unmatchable.
bizarre_ftw 22
Could be worse, you could be on the other end of the spectrum! Right now you're perfect for a crazy (in the good sense) over the top, out of this universe person that can't handle or be happy with anyone that is less than "too unique" be happy :) at the VERY least you're not boring, so therefore worth a damn in my book
mnmolino 14
You should be happy!! You are an individual!! You have clearly chosen not to conform to society's paradoxal ways!! Congrats :) (no sarcasm intended)
bizarre_ftw 22
Though may I just say: is it just me or does anyone else find the fact that individuality and uniqueness is slowly becoming too advanced for people on a whole? Because personally, I just see this a proof that we as a human race are declining in intelligence and therefore everything else
bizarre_ftw 22
At this rate a caveman could beat your average Joe in an intelligence and common sense test
aequitas740 0
Totally agree, I actually posted something similar on my Facebook. Needless to say my religious family compared me to hitler.....
Cmdr_Shepard 17
No actually we're getting smarter. The average IQ of an American has been steadily increasing over the past few generations. This means that I have a higher IQ than my grandparents had and it's likely that my grandson will have a higher IQ than I had. As for the decline of "individuality" and "uniqueness", I wholeheartedly disagree. A century ago, everyone emulated the white man and women, blacks, asians, etc were suppressed. Today, you are much freer to be who you want to be. People have even become more accepting of transvestites.
bizarre_ftw 22
The world on a whole knows more, but people on a whole act like they know less on a day to day basis. At least it seems that way, maybe back when the divide between knowledgable and "not so much" was more defined the existence of intelligence was more obvious, and now - with more people knowing more - intelligence has become common place and so there is a false sense of lacking it compared to ages past. All the same, it Feels like we've dumbed down
mnmolino 14
No we are increasing in intelligence, but showing even greater ignorance to being a true individual.