Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML
Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML
Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML
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Top comments
DoctorWhooves 6
... try the Solar System?
slsrox1298 0
lol thats better than the girl who was paired with her brother lol
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Comments (258)
Bekll 31
OP, I think the other unique ones to be matched with have never joined that site.... You'll find them in the real world.
Savra_fml 17
You are unique, just like everybody else! Get over yourself. Choose another dating site, be a little more vague in your answers like everyone else, and you will get a match. Hardly anyone is honest on thosevsites, so what you see and what you get, could be miles apart, you use your distance range.....Or just go gay.
lmaoatall 6
How the hell can you be to unique for eharmony? What did you tell them? You have a three headed penis that blooms open like a flower when erected? Well aren't you special?
white16sox 19
50 my dick shouldn't be like that? I think I need a doctor.
jefffluffingham 5
i thought opposites attract... so what you need is a woman (or man) who's basically a clone of everyone else and is in no way unique. uh... move to Jersey Shore.
YukiRei 0
This comment WINS.
Azyri 1
You made me laugh for real. You earn a trophy!
FYLDeep 26
Congratulations OP! Your FML posting has just been matched with a delightfully funny response from yours truly FYLDeep. Just send me forty-five dollars and I'll let you see it over the course of the next three months. Hurry this offer won't last forever!
Jk530 1
I was hoping you were a girl so I could ask you to marry me. Instead I'll just say, I feel you bro.
askme75080 0
try plentyoffish.com its free and not to many questionnaires
cherryllollo 7
maybe you should lower your standards
leadman1989 16
Become a priest or monk... that way you save face.
joee182 3
e-spin-the-bottle is where its at8D