Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML
Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML
Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML
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Top comments
DoctorWhooves 6
... try the Solar System?
slsrox1298 0
lol thats better than the girl who was paired with her brother lol
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Comments (258)
ToastedMuFFins 2
On the bright side you must be a good person
krysxkatastrophe 14
That just means eHarmony thinks you can get someone without the internet's help.
perdix 31
Call your local pimp. He'll find someone that is perfect for you! eHarmony has calculated that you are destined to a lifetime of masturbation and ******. They wouldn't be so successful if they got things wrong. Strengthen that grip and invest in a good lotion.
chickenwalrus 14
NO LOVE! dont hurt me dont hurt me no more.
The_Troller 14
Strengthen that grip? Pun intended?
TipOfTheHat 10
Maybe try changing your answers!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
That kinda defeats the purpose...Why don't you try thinking about it?
Rhombuss 0
Forever alone :')
P374RD3D 9
Smiling forever alone face?
karagarren 8
forever alone face is always smiling actually. he or she is very optimistic.
aequitas740 0
Sounds like you used to many "big" words. I'm sorry you weren't matched with anyone due to intelligence.
interstellar_fml 6
All I could think of when I read this was the Team America theme song.
aequitas740 0
Lol, why did that song pop into your head? Love the movie though.
interstellar_fml 6
Priceless movie. I just thought of it since OP is from the US and even though he searched worldwide, he'll apparently be stuck now in the "real world" and the "big words" thing just doesn't seem to fit into the American standard anymore (I'm a nerd in America, so I feel the pain, haha), and that's where I started singing "America....."
aequitas740 0
Hehe I get it. I'm from Ohio, and very nerdy. I guess you are correct in saying the American standard of education is terrible now.
TimysterGates 15
Range: Universe. now, try again.
HomeAl0ne 20
There's no point. An Earth girl has won the 'Miss Universe' title every single year. It's like the rest aren't even trying. If he can't find her on Earth, he's not going to find her out there....
TimysterGates 15
#58 TRUE! but OP isnt looking for "the most beautiful one" (personally I wouldnt pick miss Universe as most beautiful woman anyway) but for "that special someone" (or something) maybe an alien is unique enough.
chickenwalrus 14
NO LOVE!
nivek2120 8
Calm down Lil Wayne.
GVirdi 11
Eminem*
nerdsgetmehot 23
Ouch. :( I would try another dating site instead. It may sound silly, but I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. Plus, it's a free service! It totally beats paying money for eHarmony.
nerdsgetmehot 23
Is someone down-voting every post I have in every FML just to be a dick?
nerdsgetmehot 23
I'm just trying to be nice to the OP. So, let's try this again: OP, there is someone out there for you. Just because they aren't on eHarmony doesn't mean that you'll never find them. Don't give up hope.
Iknoweverything 29
I thumbed you down because you accused people of thumbing you down just because they're dicks. My guess is that you were thumbed down in the first place because you were offering other dating sites simply because they worked for you. It's just a guess, but had you not made that accusation, that would have been the main reason that I would have thumbed you down.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
OKCupid have some awesome social data from users on their blog. It's almost mind boggling sometimes. But maybe checking it out it can help OP present himself better on the webz.
RabidBunny 10
#47- People are like that, only because it makes them feel better about themselves. People hate on me too because they think I'm some depressed loser. I think your advice was good. As far as finding that special someone, I haven't found anyone, but am I really going to let that ruin my life? But I'll probably get hated on for saying this...
Epikouros 32
OkCupid really is the best dating site for finding other unique people from all over the world. Nerds isn't just plugging some random site. All my nerdy and kinky friends love it.
poorjudgement 26
I was about to suggest OKCupid. You don't have to spend too much time on creating your profile, and there really are questions you can answer, and answering them increases potential to find a match. And, as it was said, it is also free, so there is great deal of chance to find far more people there.
GOTxMILK 5
What if they matched you with someone in china would you fly over there to meet the only person compatible with you?