Grow up

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

No introductions needed

Today, my younger half-sister discovered my existence. She then went to our grandparents' house, smashed my picture off their wall, and ransacked their house looking for other pictures of me to destroy. She's in her mid-twenties, behaving like a child. FML

Stiched up

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

Gummy

Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML