Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
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Top comments
k_lylepad 19
Why was your daughter eating dog food??
jesuis_julie 21
For the people saying why the baby is kissing her/him in the lips; they're babies! It doesn't matter if they want to kiss you on the lips or cheek! Unless they are like 30 or something then yes it's weird.
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Comments (59)
yeongji 31
Gross! But at least you now know what she has been up to. Who knows if this is the first time or not.
aneff0592 13
I was busy with my two year old son when she apparently ate the dog food and yes I kiss him on the mouth too. Gasp! I know, I'm pretty crazy for showing my kids affection...
lovelockdown23 23
I kiss my son and tell him I love him every day. We hug and cuddle all the time while watching Frozen. Its bonding time when they are young. The time is short and goes by really fast. After a few years they turn into little monsters and hate the fact that you're breathing so they'd nothing wrong with affection until then.
MonstreBelle 29
She was just trying to share the deliciousness with you. Sharing is caring!
rec_chem 22
That's on you for not supervising your baby.
Creed_Aprooved 12
I... I got so many questions
Dayovernight 7
nasty but adorable!
hellopenny 18
Why was your mouth open?
TheLostCauseFML 40
Ewww...
Andrei I 9
if your one-year old is a dog, that's fine, if it's a human, you should've used condoms...