Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
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Top comments
fortytwo 0
Inform her that you got all your looks from her.
Dogmaw 0
Start leaving brochures for the worst nursing homes in town laying around the house.
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Comments (192)
AnnieSure 0
You're parent is a bitch.
ericabella18 0
LMFAOOOOO oh god.xD thats something my mom would say.
shadow_duv 0
a lot of parents are bitches, why do you think tons of people are homeless because they dropped out of high school? (no offense to the people who dropped out of high school and had success with their life)
again_fml 0
FYL, but is it true?
mehwhateverr 0
I'm so sick of all these parents who are bitches on here. Don't get me wrong... the FMLs are funny... but the parents are just bitches. FYL, my friend.
itsgen 16
moms are bitches now of days ive read some really ****** up stories about moms being bitches
CheezerX 0
haha owned by mom...it sux but id liek to shit talk to my mom like that but she never gives any messed up comments like these
kristina_duh 0
wat does that make her she must be a ugly bitch
bananamanama 0
Hahahaha ZING!
wsws1234567890 0
LOLOLOLOOLOLOL oh shizzle. do wat 2 says. and tell her that its her fault your so effin ugly. i made an account jus to comment this hahahaha