Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML
Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, I helped a 6 year-old boy who was left alone at a store to get back home. The kid's parents were grateful, but my mother cussed me out and called me stupid for helping the kid. No good dead goes unpunished. FML
Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
(1) Unless someone is in danger of physical harm, it’s usually wiser to give them the money or property they demand if they are armed. Money is not worth dying over. (2) Mom is an idiot. If her big complaint is the time spent on the police report then she’s a real fool. If she were complaining that your actions had put her and yourself in danger because the thief was armed with a gun, then she would have a valid point.
MidnaLink 35
I'll give you props for the martial arts, but what if they had a gun. Sometimes the safest thing to do is just give a desciption to the cops.
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Comments (2)
MidnaLink 35
I'll give you props for the martial arts, but what if they had a gun. Sometimes the safest thing to do is just give a desciption to the cops.
Chazzster 32
(1) Unless someone is in danger of physical harm, it’s usually wiser to give them the money or property they demand if they are armed. Money is not worth dying over. (2) Mom is an idiot. If her big complaint is the time spent on the police report then she’s a real fool. If she were complaining that your actions had put her and yourself in danger because the thief was armed with a gun, then she would have a valid point.
Fred Eze 14
I agree with the points made but maybe tone it down with name calling next time?
Fred Eze 14
I agree with the points made but maybe tone it down with the name calling next time?