Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
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Top comments
fortytwo 0
Inform her that you got all your looks from her.
Dogmaw 0
Start leaving brochures for the worst nursing homes in town laying around the house.
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Comments (192)
fmyfudginglife 0
LMAFOOOOO.
TheUnnamedOne 0
LMFAO thats horrible, but hilarious! #2 FTW!!
skim1994 0
wow man...im sorry to say this but your mom is a ghe sek gi...unless she was joking lol
TheUnnamedOne 0
LMFAO Best FML Ever
4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 20
lol don't worry, she was probably kidding and didn't want to pay for the self-defense lesson.
spillproof 0
#2, you are a genious. OP: I hope she was joking.
jessxoxo28 5
LOL!!!! so sorry, but i couldnt help it ur mom is such a bitch
Peanu_theGreat 0
Your mom owns, lol. But I bet she was kidding! ...Hopefully!
DangerousBabee 0
Lol #2 and 3. ROFL xD
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I have such a hard time believing that a mother would actually say this, but I guess it's possible... FYL because that's a bitchy thing to say, and it's not fair. Also, listen to #3. o_o