Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied, "Oh, I usually come early." She laughed. FML
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML
Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
Today, HR wants to see me about an email where my boss asks me to respect her body. My offense? I asked if she bought a new shirt during a web meeting with our small team. We've worked together for over 10 years. FML
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Top comments
randomcritic 14
Did you immediately correct yourself?
CaptainSmith28 19
Ah, I love a good ole Freudian slip.
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Comments (88)
SaniK 17
Your lucky she didn't taze you
tomatosz 23
He's lucky she knows how to not react like a complete bitch?
chichenssrecool 5
her **** where probably nice too
ajk695 8
Damn you, autocorrect!
ChristinePi 36
He wasn't using a smart phone. He was speaking with his words.
nathan_garratt 5
Someone doesn't have a sense of humor.
worldclassrager 41
Did she arrest you for sexual harassment?
writerchic85 26
Did you say whoops sorry I meant tats?
Pinto_2015 9
If the HR person is female, start off with "nice tats"....
Colon_Man 17
"I finished the filing, Mr Griffin." "Thank you, Miss Ironbox." ..."Honk honk"
deviousangel89 13
Nice one. Freudian slip for the win!
ItalianGuy23 6
as a guy that works part time as a guard it's miserable work. sometimes I'd take any compliment
Cassandra2015 21
Lol, yeah that's definitely a bad slip !
juturnaamo 29
Having had a guy run up to me to say "there's nothing sexier than a woman with a gun", I'm kind of shocked that a security guard would do anything more than roll her eyes over this.