Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML
Today, I went out on a second date with this girl, who touched my bicep when I told her I haven't been to the gym since a long time. She asked me to flex it, I did, and it remained the same size. FML
Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I saw a man at the gym glancing at me. I went over and said, "Are you ogling me?" kind of low key flirtatiously. He said, "No, I'm working out. Don't flatter yourself." FML
Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML
Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML
Today, after waiting a year, I asked a coworker who I like to work out at the gym with me. She said yes. I figured this would be the perfect place to show off my body and impress her. In every exercise we did, she lifted more weights than I did. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Any normal human being would furrow their brow, smirk, and say, "Why, thank you. I was thinking of going for rhombus today but decided on this at the last second."
Cow_Girl_Lilly 24
It's ok OP. Just have to work on flirting while your working on those nice biceps ;)
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Comments (16)
debuono420 9
At least we know your not a **** boy :p
Tripartita 45
Any normal human being would furrow their brow, smirk, and say, "Why, thank you. I was thinking of going for rhombus today but decided on this at the last second."
Cow_Girl_Lilly 24
It's ok OP. Just have to work on flirting while your working on those nice biceps ;)
Tripartita 45
To maximize efficiently, do both at the same time by chatting up those sexy dumbbells.
RichardPencil 32
They say steroids shrink your balls.
AzrielB 8
if you can't think of a witty response, just say nothing. Some women like the strong silent type, just to be safe don't say anything for the first 5 years of marriage.
ColdCreasent 17
Lol good one. My wife probably would be happy if I followed this advice. But alas, I never learnt this and it's too late now hehe
species4872 20
You really should stand in the corner and reflect on what you done. For shame.
LyricaSilvan 30
Sounds a bit like social anxiety, but I could just be projecting. I've been there before, OP. Somebody says something nice to me, and I sort of awkwardly smile and mumble "thank you," and then shuffle off. Then I realize later I should have tried being friendly back and curse myself for not doing so.
Soninuva 41
I'm not necessarily shy, but can be in an awkward situation. I was at a friend's party at her house recently, and as I was heading towards the bathroom, a girl reached out, stroked my hair, and said "I really like your hair." I mumbled thanks as I was already turning the knob to the bathroom. It was twice as awkward as she was still there when I came out.
LyricaSilvan 30
Wow...that shoots past awkward to downright-creepy. I feel bad for you, man.
LyricaSilvan 30
Wow...that just shoots right past "awkward" and onto "downright-creepy." I feel for you, man.
jcash52426 5
Either you had to much to drink or you were just a little shy.
ColdCreasent 17
I honestly believe that direct complements are quite difficult to deal with sometimes. Most of us never get a direct complement beyond the basic, you look good. And usually that is only from friends, so from a stranger it is usually rare (maybe I'm wrong, but it's my experience) and we are unfamiliar with how to react. Society needs to allow us to complement strangers more often.
Ben_Dover831 19
Mission failed, we'll get em' next time.