Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied, "Oh, I usually come early." She laughed. FML
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML
Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
Today, HR wants to see me about an email where my boss asks me to respect her body. My offense? I asked if she bought a new shirt during a web meeting with our small team. We've worked together for over 10 years. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
randomcritic 14
Did you immediately correct yourself?
CaptainSmith28 19
Ah, I love a good ole Freudian slip.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (88)
magicsablebounce 8
And that folks, is why it's always a good idea to say tatoos instead of tats to an attractive woman.
drosek89 20
That sucks OP. I hope you corrected yourself and get off with a warning. I guess she couldn't take tit for tat. ;)
RedPillSucks 33
good thing she didn't have a taser. you would have been the subject of the new Dr. Seus book. Chick with **** and tats tase OP
Hyenayena 27
I avoid this by saying "nice ink!"
daemonsparta 16
well according to a recent article complimenting tats is bad too
Dexter83_fml 17
That sucks ok tell us how you got on plz ?
IreneProblems 14
A whole new meaning to the phrase "tit for tat"
daemonsparta 16
according to a recent article you would still be in trouble if you complimented her tats
SiKH_WiT_iT 13
If you want impress someone thats into tattoos. Most of the time the like you to say tattoos over "tats" or tattoo machine over tattoo "gun"
kewpiesuicide 29
Helpful hint: Most people with tattoos find the word 'tats' very annoying anyway.