Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
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Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Its not about the size of the boat, rather the motion in the ocean.
KeXu 6
Don't worry you'll always be bigger than me
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Comments (209)
limitedition 25
I have a buddy that swears if you shave it "you gain an inch". Worth a try. Def tell your new bride that's ego destroying. If she won't stop after you say that then you really need some couples counseling
vbmg152 19
Bigger doesn't always mean better! Bigger usually means they're so proud of the size that they don't know what to do with it!
stoych 19
Well if you only 'nearly' lost your virginity, this means your marriage hasn't been consummated yet, right? So, annul the marriage and dump the thoughtless bitch and find someone who won't make you feel like a sack of shit.....
Cut3yPi3 7
Wow, that's rude. But, really, I get that you were virgin, but you two never did any fooling around at all. Wow.
fyl36915 9
You had been "waiting for marriage". Uh huh.
SailorM00N 3
I think YDI. And your wife too. Bad surprises happen when you prefer to remain uninformed before making big decisions that affect the rest of your life. For some women, size doesn't matter that much - for others, it does. Good luck to you both, I hope you work it out and teach your kids to be more open minded than you when it comes to sex and marriage.
CheeseHater 23
My only question is, how have you guys not at least seen eachother naked, without having sex? I mean, you are married, you should have been together for a while.
charvisioku 22
That's awful. What an insensitive woman... she deserves to be forever alone if she's that much of a bitch all the time.
charvisioku 22
83, I pity you if your sex life is so dull that this shocks you. Sucks to be you.
LifelessStars 22
I find it sweet how you saved yourself for marriage