Hangry dude

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

Crunchy

Today, I was running late for work, so I grabbed a cheap sandwich from a gas station. As I rushed to take a bite, I bit into something unexpectedly hard. I thought it was a tough bit of bacon, or some sort of nut, but realized it was a small plastic fork that had been helpfully hidden inside my sandwich. I'd already swallowed half of it. FML

Introvert struggles

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML