Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
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Top comments
moxy_fml 0
Bah, I wank all day long, my dick's practically hanging by a thread.
williamhungftw 0
THATS AWESOMEE. she sounds pretty sweet. = ]
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Comments (44)
Adamantyne 7
This is the first FML ever at which I've laughed really loud and for more than just two seconds. OMG!!! I love your fiancé!!!! LOL! Priceless!
allplayedout 20
it's a good thing you're marrying her because she is full of win
Drummer389000 0
she's a ******* bitch.
chrissimmons 0
wow she sure know a lot a bout you
admmck81 0
I don't see how this is an FML. She knows that you, without a woman to have sex with, will wank. But, does she know you wank even though you are with her?
mettakarama 0
rofl
Darcon 8
It's true, lowl
KingZant 0
Clever, I'll give her that. Tell her that goes for alot of guys too. Good for a laugh, but don't worry about it! :D
xGoSuckAFatOnex 3
that sounds like something I'd say XD LMAO I love your fiancé!! XD
ilovemeoke 0
she's so romantic