Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML
Today, I got home at 7 after a long, stressful 12-hour shift. The second I walked through the door, my wife said, "Can you hurry up and make dinner? We're all starving." This happens all the damn time. FML
Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML
Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML
Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML
Today, I texted my partner that I was “on my way.” I then sat on the couch doomscrolling for another 25 minutes. When I finally left, I ran into him in the parking lot, holding groceries, staring at me like I’d just lied for the fun of it. FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
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Top comments
nwater 0
wow you must have been tired to **** that up. You should have rolled with it and went to bed.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
Whoa. Yeah I side with nwater. If you forgot you were home, you definitely should have gone to bed. People would have bought it.
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Comments (81)
happypenguin7293 0
exactly what i was think (tiredly) oh god yeah it is our house i can't think straight (doze off a couple times with a really blank expression)
Bizenghastly 0
what I don't get is if you think they're such boring ppl then why in the name of Zeus are you friends w. them?! & not merely friends but aparently good enough friends that they're over your house. you deserve for being two-faced. ^_^
mishkaroni 15
Oh gosh I can't stop laughing over this FML!
music87 14
This is one of the most hilarious things I have heard all day.
tidbits5197 28
Apparently you didn't need to fake since it seems you were too tired to remember where you were at. lol
UnwiseOwl88 3
OP didn't mention it being their house specifically. Husband -could've- meant they were right at home in the company of their friends...
trulypar 34
I'm sure you won't have that problem again, you're boring friends probably got the hint and won't come back.
darkfireflame 15
Well they're probably not coming back so yeah.
YellowKettleBell 31
Next time say, "Honey, we need to go to bed so these people can go home."
doglover100 29
I would've faked a headache and went upstairs for the night.