Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML
Today, I got home at 7 after a long, stressful 12-hour shift. The second I walked through the door, my wife said, "Can you hurry up and make dinner? We're all starving." This happens all the damn time. FML
Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML
Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML
Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML
Today, I texted my partner that I was “on my way.” I then sat on the couch doomscrolling for another 25 minutes. When I finally left, I ran into him in the parking lot, holding groceries, staring at me like I’d just lied for the fun of it. FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nwater 0
wow you must have been tired to **** that up. You should have rolled with it and went to bed.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
Whoa. Yeah I side with nwater. If you forgot you were home, you definitely should have gone to bed. People would have bought it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
samxoxoxolala 0
im confused why are people saying vdm?
derailed 1
IF this story is true, you should be banned from Earth
lilcuti3pi389 0
you didnt realize you were home?? thats pretty sad
happygoluckyhh 0
That is sad! If you had a heart that was made out of something besides ice and stone, you would have stuck with your friends. A true "friend" doesn't call the other boring on the FML website. YDI for being an asshole!
bethluvsyou 15
She's not their true friend, she thinks they're boring. She's not an asshole for trying not to be rude an putting up with them.
DeafChef 0
this. is. stupid.
smellymeaty 0
VDM - vie de merde, the French counterpart of FML. It's called Urban Dictionary, guys.
fourzerofour 0
You should have passed it off like "Holy crap... dude... wow I must be tired. I gotta go lie down."
superking91 0
vdm is the French FML. it's the original site that this one is based on.
nuttinick 0
ydi for your parents dropping you after birth
Bloonbloon 0
ydi for being stupider than a blonde
cricketsins 36
more stupid*
jt3226 8
Screw you and your hatred of blonds.