Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML
Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML
Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML
Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML
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Top comments
rnarshmallow 21
I've found that my Grandma also doesn't have a filter when talking.. and that's sober
Whatapuffchild 23
How round is a shape and shapes are beautiful. Look on the bright side, youre a beautiful sun that shines on everyones world.
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Comments (23)
jake_braves 25
That's really mean of her. But keep your chin up!
MorbidInsanity 11
Chins*
jake_braves 25
Hahaha yeah. Chins.
bigdaddyeric 37
You mean chinS…
rnarshmallow 21
I've found that my Grandma also doesn't have a filter when talking.. and that's sober
WolfsScar 15
Keep pouring her more.. it ought to stop her from talking.. for a bit.
amileah13 26
Maybe she meant proud and her words just kind of slurred?
chuka81 27
And here, we have an optimist.
Whatapuffchild 23
How round is a shape and shapes are beautiful. Look on the bright side, youre a beautiful sun that shines on everyones world.
CODplayer4lyfe 24
But round isn't a shape
crackfetus420 12
Well shes more like a looming bulk that blocks out most of the sun actually ??
GokuSS400 18
Very beautifully put
Whatapuffchild 23
Last time I checked, it was.
Zarcissa 34
Two glasses of wine and she's already wasted? Either she hasnt had any alcohol before or she was faking being that drunk.
Mynamewontfi 40
It's actually possible. Both my parents get drunk real fast due to medication. Grandma might have the same problem.
Zarcissa 34
Ah yes, mixing meds and alcohol... Should have guessed. Apparently mixing meds and alcohol gets one real messed up, more than either one would alone.
sweetbliss3 37
very rarely do I drink (once every couple of years) and a sip of wine will have me buzzed so it's possible.
Myo_fml 20
Yeah, I don't know what it is about wine,but it has amplified effects. that being said, I had an entire bottle last night and will be resting today. :D
jeffprobs 29
They said, "get in shape." However they did not say which shape.
blostrich_ 19
I say that about myself lol. When the stupid kids at my school say "SQUARE UP" I just respond by saying: "I can't, I'm round." You're beautiful OP. Don't forget.
FlamingColor 30
Well rounded people are lovely!
fpants2010 18
My grandma says mean things all the time when she's SOBER! On Christmas she said "you're getting fat, I see the rolls hanging over your pants!" Well - I just had my second baby five weeks ago, sorry I'm not top shape yet.
shadow1248 23
That's so rude of her, ugh. Congratulations on your baby, though!