Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
ztpalmer93 0
what did you do to deserve that
effthis 0
hope your kids are ok
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Comments (173)
Zezzy_fml 0
not ONLY did you misuse the word proceeded....you didn't even spell it right...
quinnteh 0
Why're most of the replies talking about his balls when he's ******* being choked?
dandymidori 0
Teach you some "manners"... Does that mean that you did something rude/disrespectful?
lolwatlol 0
I wonder what OP meant by "martial arts" and "sensei" since he is supposed to be in Korea, and also the "grabbing"(No, I'm not talking about his balls) thing seems kind of out of place in something like karate wich would be the only way he would have a "sensei". So I asked a Korean friend and he said bullshit.
oblong127 0
i'm pretty sure nobody signs up for martial arts to get their balls crushed. unless of course tae kwan do is translated as 'castration.'
drimpossible 0
jujitsu. Japanese, allows groin grabbing and the instructor is called sensei. Bear in mind just because some is in Korea, it doesn't mean they are only doing Korean martial arts.
ejkang91 1
your korean friend is mistaken. Koreans practice a variety of japanese sports and martial arts. This is the OP by the way. It was judo. I was doing judo.
decibel_beads 0
Teach you manners? By choking you? What the hell did you do?! p.s. sorry about your boys - hope they're okay.
dnotter 0
i did martial arts for 5 years and we only ever wore groin protection when we were specifically sparring. It's not like you expect to have your balls attacked when you're supposed to be learning...
DsexLive 0
Why am i not suprised? coz hes from Korea, btw sue him for that shit.
wellchit 0
if he did that you must have done something wrong, ydi
master565 0
I hate when people brag about being a black belt when there is a 100% chance I can kick their ass.