Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
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Top comments
FFML_314 12
That's when you pat her on the head and give her a treat.
schwancy 2
Awww she's learning.
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Comments (112)
blahblahblah1234_fml 0
kids say the funniest things
JUICYC 0
well ydi for letting your kid be around that language
sourgirl101 29
Great ******* job mommy!(:
bombtastic 10
lmao, I totally imagined the kid doing that too. funny stuff right there.
denvan 0
It's reward time
mrahhhhh 21
OP, be happy! She's on the final step (Step 4). "Step 4, don't say **** anymore because **** is the worst word that you can say! So just use the word "Mmmkay"!" Only 1.5 internets to whoever gets this. It should be as obvious as a polar bear in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. :/
Jimboom 12
Indeed. But what would Brian boitano do?
sourgirl101 29
Damn, you are like the Alex Trebek of FML! We need to give you your own game show!(:
TheNewGuy03 29
25 -- brian boitano will falcon punch your girlfriend so that she doesn't have babies. |the kid|
moncheri1314 0
Sooooouuuttthh Paaaark!!
MissErikaHart 0
south park (?)
MissErikaHart 0
aw I thought there was 1st replyer. it was at the bottom and it didn't say it had any
anarchy109 5
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two
Namenlos_fml 20
bad parenting. either kill it or pick a guy and call it your father. it needs a better influence
jinxthejinx 0
What??
Jimboom 12
******* A.
Jimboom 12
and B
sourgirl101 29
And BJ
ObviouslyJesus 1
Your child has a great gift to give to this world
pandemic_fml 0
Pedophile.
FMLinCA 12
what gift is that? being a menace to society?
perdix 31
I think your child was trying to teach you something.