Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML
Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
What a... turd? Yeah, I suck at puns.
blink182AAR 6
Well you would be acting awkward after witnessing them talking about her own crap.
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Comments (42)
hayleyydean 0
How lame FMLs like this make it past moderation is beyond me
THE_A_TEEN 28
FML's like these get posted because of the mods snorting rhino mucus, or something. DocBastard explained it all in a previous FML, but he was assassinated for disclosing classified information. So if you don't like these fml's, PM the mods, dumbass. Or just leave this site.
ohmandapants 17
She's a fellow employee, she has no right to "scold" you in any way. Speak to your manager. This person obviously has some sort of superiority complex.
moop256 10
Well you see that's life you'll always have a bulky of some kind in it. She could report it but that's the cowards way out. You fight back and use physiological warfare
moop256 10
Damn you auto correct
Cavebone 5
they know how to relate...
luckydog__1 2
AND you put up with that shit? NO pun intended.
RedMosquito 4
10 minute poo conversation? Sounds like your co worker really knows her shit!
Jasonf6 0
She's obviously a ******* retard.
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
Rrright..
rattusrattus 19
Speaking as someone who is socially awkward, this place is a great way of learning that stuff. Or more likely, what not to do...
perdix 31
You are socially awkward if you think conversations about poop are weird. Normal people talk shit all the time!
Okayitwasme 0
Let that other employee think they are the bomb! Obviously they have no idea what a hypocrite they are. Letting you know to watch what you say is a good thing, because the other employee will screw up and all you have to do is stand there and shake your head! Lift your head high and walk off. Then let them catch you laughing!