Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML
Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
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Top comments
JasonThorn 23
Yeah, that FML isn't over for you, OP. Expect a little visit from HR and the words "hostile workplace" to be used.
Thaylok 17
Step 1 is to admit your are a meglomaniacial micromanager.
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Comments (6)
JasonThorn 23
Yeah, that FML isn't over for you, OP. Expect a little visit from HR and the words "hostile workplace" to be used.
smoochmysnoot 6
I’m glad I don’t work for you. Dick.
Thaylok 17
Step 1 is to admit your are a meglomaniacial micromanager.
Lost Reggie 22
He should have shat on your desk.
Hangryko 32
I hope he sues you and you get fired.
tiptoppc 21
And this is actually a suable offense in America. I’ve seen such a lawsuit happen in my state. OP, pack your bags. If you aren’t gone now, you soon will be, and should.
GoogieWithers 25
You deserve everything you get and should be made to clean the chair.